SENATE PASSES FOSTERING CONNECTIONS TO SUCCESS AND INCREASING ADOPTIONS ACT OF 2008
The U.S. Senate passed the bipartisan Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (HR 6893) on Monday, September 23. “This is the most significant legislation relating to adoption and foster care since the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997,” said Tom Atwood, President and CEO of NCFA. “It provides for a wide array of reforms to benefit children and their interest in adoption.”
The reforms in HR 6893 include: Reauthorizing the Adoption Incentives Program, whereby the federal government allocates financial rewards to states that have increased the number of children adopted from their foster care system, through 2013; Increasing the award amounts states stand to receive through the Adoption Incentives Program by establishing 2007 as the new “base year” against which future performance will be measured, and increasing the bonuses for special needs and older child adoptions; Ensuring all children with special needs adopted out of foster care are eligible for federal adoption assistance regardless of family income by 2018; Mandating that states inform prospective adoptive parents regarding eligibility for the adoption tax credit; Requiring states to make reasonable efforts to place siblings together; Establishing relative guardianship assistance payments in a way that does not creative incentives for relative guardianship over adoption; and Allowing states the option of extending adoption assistance, foster care maintenance and relative guardianship assistance payments to children aged 18, 19 or 20.
No less than 5 people asked me that question today at work. They said I looked “stressed” or “upset.” I don’t feel particularily stressed or upset, but I guess it’s showing on my face.
Sunday we agreed with our buyer on a price. So, our house is sold, and since we had a contingency on our Gardner house, we can buy it! We move on May 21st. We have to be out of our current house by May 31st. Our realtor actually came over to the baby shower after it had wound down so we could sign the papers. So, within a couple weeks, we’ve found out we’re adopting a baby and sold our house.
Talked to the social worker again today. No new changes - the birth mom is still scheduled to be induced Wednesday between 7 and 8 am. I asked the social worker if we could go to the hospital but she said no, we need to wait for her to call. The birth mom didn’t want us there for the birth, and the current plan is for her to go to another room and have Donald and I care for the baby for 2 days in the hospital, then take him home. Our social worker has told the hospital about these plans, and they’ve agreed we can stay there if they have room.
Having our social worker tell us we can’t come to the hospital until she says so put me in a little bit of a panic. “What if the birth mom changes her mind?!?!” Well, I guess she could. Seems very unlikely since no one in her family knows she’s pregnant, she doesn’t want to meet us or see the baby at all, and she wants a totally closed situation. If she changes her mind it will be a big change in all her thinking up to this point, but she can’t sign away the child for 48 hours. I will definitely feel a lot better when the 48 hours are up!
We’re planning on still taking off Wednesday because I don’t think either of us will be able to even think, let alone work. It’s been hard enough the past week. Wednesday we drop our dog off at the vet to be boarded and then we’ll pick her up on Saturday; that will give us some time to hang at the hospital for a couple of days.
I feel so weird. Can’t even explain it.
Tomorrow our co-workers are throwing us a shower - fun! The guest bedroom has the bed out of it and it now has a crib and a bassinet. I need to get taking some photos! It is weird coming in the house and seeing baby stuff all over….it seems so weird still.
No new news from our social worker. Left her a message today just checking in, but told her she didn’t need to call me back if there isn’t anything going on.
Found out for sure yesterday that our leave is all UNPAID because it’s not for medical reasons, it’s just leave to bond with the baby. We have 12 weeks to share between the two of us. I think what I’m going to do is use my vacation and personal time up and then use maybe 6 unpaid FMLA days. Hubby will probably use his days to take off Mondays and Tuesdays for a while so we don’t put the baby in child care when he’s so small. I am SO THANKFUL we’ll only need childcare for Mondays and Tuesdays…. and that I at least can work at home sometimes if needed.
Went to Michael’s Art Supplies after my all day meeting and got a cross stitch pattern for MY BABY. This is so weird. I haven’t bawled my eyes out like I normally do, but I’m sure I will when I see the baby. I CAN’T WAIT. I’m glad I got a cross stitch to keep myself busy. I am going inbetween being really, really happy and really, really nervous, so nervous that my heart races and I am shaking. This is crazy!
Went to Wal-Mart today. I went into the BABY SECTION. This is a big accomplishment for me! Usually I steer clear of that particular place…..
….but, I was thinking, what if the baby comes before next Sunday? I don’t have ANYTHING to feed him with, clothe him with, diaper him with….I know that friends have offered things, but I just wanted SOME stuff that I’d picked out for him. I keep saying his name over and over and thinking about maybe what he’s going to look like, if he’ll be fussy or happy or tired the first time I see him. I don’t know if I’ll get to meet the birth mom yet or if she’ll give us any photos of herself or her other children, there are just so many “ifs.” But this is fun, I am very excited, and tomorrow is going to be a little crazy….but let’s not think about that! I’m happy knowing there are some blue onsies in my washer as I type this, and those onsies are for OUR baby!
So, I got Dreft, bought some outfits, some diapers, some wipes, formula, and bottles. I am washing the clothes and the bottles and making up a little “emergency kit” that I’m going to take with me everywhere - especially since the hospital he’s being born in is close to work. I want to be ready! The only glitch is the car seat is with the Grandparents, so we may need to borrow someone’s car seat to get him home if he’s born before 4/13/08 - so I’ll need to check on that with some folks….
….anyhoo! What a nutty weekend! I can’t sleep and I’m nervous and happy and jittery — Crazy stuff!
….I called Liberty Mutual this morning to Start FMLA for my husband and I, went onto our medical insurance website to get an online account started (I can’t call until Monday to add the baby as a dependent; I may not be able to add him until he’s born), registered for some more stuff at Target and Babies R Us, sent a bunch of people that I couldn’t call a text message with the news, freaked out about how we’re going to pay for the adoption and all the stuff we need, searched online for a cross stitch to start for our baby, did an online adoption course on “Conspicuous Families”, freaked out some more when I realized that
April 16th is 11 days away from today! ELEVEN! And, she could still have the baby at any time!
Hubby is supposed to clear out the guest room on Monday and start putting the baby stuff in there. We’re getting a crib and bassinet from a friend, we need to buy a crib mattress, and we have nothing else. The family baby shower is Sunday, April 13th, and my coworkers are going to start planning a baby shower on Monday, so that should be this week coming up. If she has the baby early we will probably need to blow our “moving” money on a bunch of baby stuff.
Oh, yea, and we’re selling our house and have a contingent contract on a house we’re buying….good grief!
Freakout!
The title of this post is something hubby’s best friend’s daughter said tonight. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I was at work today at 4:15pm.
My husband called me at work today and said “Our adoption social worker called.”
I said, “Okay.”
Then he said, “You remember that mom that is due in April and didn’t have health insurance? Well, I guess she wanted the adoption agency to pick a family for her. The adoption agency picked us. The adoption social worker emailed me asking me to call her, and she told me we can have the baby if we want him.”
I said, “Okay. What did you tell her?”
He answered, “I told her yes. Don’t talk so loud, you’re at work.”
Well, we work in a call center environment, but I don’t care. Ran around to my friends I work around and told them we’d been picked to adopt a baby boy. Called my friend that had already left; she promptly informed me that we needed to get together on Monday and plan a baby shower. Hubby and I went to Target after work and registered for baby stuff; we’re going to register on Babies R Us shortly. Called our families and Grandma Denise is going to throw a shower with hubby’s Aunt and Grandma Denise’s good friend. We decided on a work truck/airplane/dump truck theme for the nursery.
The baby is due April 16th. It’s a boy, half african-american, half caucasian, no known serious medical issues.
I am totally un prepared.
I am sorry if I didn’t call you personally, I tried to call as many people as I could think of.
Thanks! We’ll keep you updated! 
We have a name picked out (We’ve had it planned for YEARS) but we’re keeping it a secret until he’s born. We’ll let you know!
I can’t stop smiling!
We have made an offer on a house in Gardner, KS. It’s contingent on our house selling, but we’ve had a lot of people look at our house and our realtor tells us that a couple people are working on offers and/or deciding if they want to buy ours. Much more exciting than last year!
Nothing new on the adoption front — I haven’t heard from our social worker regarding the uninsured birth mom due in April, so I’m assuming we weren’t picked by her. I suppose it’s all for the best!
The only thing about the house we’re buying is the siding either needs to be repaired and repainted, or we need to get all new siding. Anyone had siding done on their home? Any recommendations for types of siding?
Very exciting - we’re hoping to close in May or June, and we need a contract on our house by May 22nd for this house offer to go through. Hoping it will work out!
ADDENDUM: If you want more information (ie photos, address, etc.,) email me at [watermelonjessie at yahoo dot com] and I’ll email you the listing with photos!
I am pretty excited about tomorrow. Our home is a total mess because we’re remodeling it, but our social worker is coming over tomorrow at 1pm to complete our home study.
I realize another step in this process will be completed, but I feel sort of frustrated at the same time. Our attorney is on a vacation/sabatical, and all we’ve done is let people know that we’re looking to adopt. This seems so strange to adopt this way, just kind of waiting for a situation to present itself. I feel a little lost about what to do next once the home study is done, and when I asked our attorney, she basically said just to send out the letters letting people know we’re adopting and wait. I have nightmares and worry a lot that we will never be matched with a birth family and we’ll have to deal with not being able to be parents and learn to live as a childless couple. If that is God’s will that is His will, but I don’t feel that that is the direction we should go right now.
I just hope once the homestudy is done we will be able to focus on another step of the adoption process.
I have my interview for a supervisor position at my job on Thursday afternoon. I’m pretty excited and nervous; I already had to interview to get into the TRAINING to be a supervisor, and now I’m actually interviewing to be hired formally as a supervisor. This week, we’ve worked on packing more things at our house, put in upper cabinets in the kitchen (Donald and my father in law have done that), and then once we get to a good place I will start painting the inside of the ENTIRE house. Yes, I am super excited (Yuck.) It will all be beautiful when it’s done, but the house better sell, as we’re going to be updating/redoing everything but the carpeting, but including a carpet allowance.
Thursday at 1pm I have my individual interiew with our social worker. The Thursday after Thanksgiving hubby and I have our couple interview. EVERYTHING in the homestudy is done except: fingerprints, tax forms from the past 2 years, and letters from our bank and 2 creditors that we’ve dealt with. WOO HOO.
There is a guy at work, D.S, he and his wife adopted 2 3 and 4 year old boys from the Ukraine. I have had such a good time talking with him. He will come up to me and ask “How is the adoption coming? What stage are you at?” People who have adopted just get it. You just want to talk about it with somebody, but it’s nice to talk to someone who really understands what you’re talking about! He told a great story about one of his boys that made me cry. When one of the boys was taking a bath, he would put all his mom’s shoes in the bathroom with him. His logic was is that his mom couldn’t leave the house without coming in the bathroom first to get her shoes! It’s so strange the way kids, and orphans, cope with separation and the logic they use. Even though we’re going through a lot of pain in our infertility struggles, there are orphans out there, like D.S.’s little boys, who were left without family, without much food, and without much hope for the future. Now, they’re with parents that love them.
Just listening to D.S. get all teary talking about his boys really warmed my heart. THAT’S what all this is for, those babies and children that are orphans that need homes, or those babies born to moms that love them but just can’t take care of them right now. It’s also great to have someone at work to just chat with about it. He said to me on Friday “It feels like forever, and it feels like with all the paperwork it’s never going to end, and it’s never going to happen. Just keep going. Once you have your kids, it will be like you’re always had them. You’ll even forget sometimes that they’re adopted, you’ll always think that they’re your biological children.”
I keep thinking about that as we fill out all these papers, go to all these meetings, and lay our life out for the “Really Big Nosy Job Interview,” that it will never end and we’ll never get a child. I know others have been through this and we can make it through as well. I finally feel like it’s getting closer: just a little bit left on the home study and then it’s up to the social worker to complete it.
WARNING: This post is very bitter and mean. I’m having a bad day. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Thursday hubby and I met our social worker for the first time. Turned over our stack of paperwork, our names and addresses of references, and $50. We have another stack to fill out: The financial stuff and our physicals from our doctors.
I am happy that this is done, but I have found myself very depressed this week. Ironically enough, it’s because I’m up for a promotion. Why would a promotion cause depression, might you ask? Well, it’s hard to explain. I only have so many hours in the day, and right now, my extra time has to be spent studying for exams and interviews for my promotion. This is time that I won’t have to spend on our homestudy. It seems as if every time we get a little further down the road a roadblock comes up. Now, when you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant. The baby is coming in 9 months whether you like it or not. But when you’re adopting, everything is relative to you having meetings, filling out paperwork, and waiting for an opportunity to come along. Our social worker did say to us “Now, this is your labor.” and I understand the reason for the paperwork; they want to protect the children being put up for adoption. But I find it frustrating, and slow, and the process depends on me pushing it along. Every crisis that happens, every extra hour I have to spend on work, slows it down, and it feels as if we’ve been on this journey for longer than 4 years, it feels like 30.
We went to a family reunion today and stayed 15 minutes. I just couldn’t take it. Some days I’m fine, sometimes it feels like someone has hit me in the chest with a brick. We were sitting at a table with a baby in a car seat on the table. The mom starts talking about her labor, and how she was induced, etc. etc. There were two or 3 pregnant women, and lots of children running around. I feel like an evil witch, but I couldn’t take it. I feel like I am the freak that can’t get pregnant in those situations. I can’t be around kids sometimes, and I hate that, because I love kids, but it just hurts. It’s just a reminder that I don’t have them, I have no idea why, and then on top of it the process seems so slow. I know others out there have had longer to deal with this, or have miscarriages, or have lost children when they’re born.
I like to think of myself as a strong person that has been through a lot, and been successful, and barged through, and made it, and carved things out for myself. But not being able to have kids has just knocked me down, knocks the wind out of me, makes me feel miserable and like a failure and as if it’s all my fault. I don’t want to see people, I don’t want to see moms with babies, I don’t want to hear your birth story, and I am a bawling mess. I hate myself when I am like this — some days I am strong and I keep focused on adopting and I think about our future children and how much fun they will be — but some days I hate everyone that has kids and I don’t want to be around people. I know people don’t mean it, but I feel like it’s being rubbed in my face, and so I need to go away by myself and cry and pray for a while, and then I’m better. It’s just a bad day. I have to have faith that it will get better, and we’ll get through, but I hate myself when I’m like this.
It’s like I turn into the Evil Infertility Monster or Debbie Downer or something, I am angry, crying, sad, and I don’t want to be happy. But I know it’s a bad day, I’ve had them before and gotten through them, I’ll probably have them some more and get through them, but today it feels like it’s the end of the world, and I would rather cry and be by myself than be reminded of what I don’t have.
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