On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

A friend is in the midst of a contested adoption; it’s contested by the biological dad. I won’t post details for their privacy, but contested adoptions and unfulfilled adoptions are some of the landmines that can hit a family when adopting domestically.

As time has gone on, I realize more & more how relatively quick & free of drama our son’s adoption was. His biological mother wanted a closed adoption, and we just send her best friend photos of him. (which I need to give her an update ). No one contested; and so I thought all adoptions were as easy as ours. It is hard as we think about adopting a second time and it’s made us a little wary of everything that can go wrong.

We know that God is in charge of everything, but this wariness is tempered with our age. When I hit 33 earlier this month, my first thought was “wow, a lot of countries won’t let you adopt babies after you’re 35″. I feel the press of time and this sense of urgency, especially if we go through an adoption that doesn’t go as planned and we have to start all over.

pray for my friend dealing in this contested adoption.

I am not sure what exactly is going on, but a biological father is contesting the adoption process of a family we know. This just makes me ill; during the pregnancy, he never supported the mother, and the mother picked this couple to parent her child. This child has been in their home since he was born.

I am not sure what is happening, but please pray for them. I don’t understand why adoption has to be so difficult and frightening sometimes.

Another couple from work that I’ve helped and mentored through the adoption process is in line to adopt a baby due 10/10/09. I am hopeful this goes through. Before we adopted Josh, we had some potential matches, but they have had potential matches come close to working out and then it would fall through. I am praying this one goes through without a hitch.

The other work couple whose son was born 7/16 has their adoption hearing 10/15. Please pray for both these families that their family is complete soon.

Well, we got Joshua’s birth certificates! They aren’t anything fancy, but they’re printed on pretty paper and stamped. They list where and when he was born, and Donald and I as his parents. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for these Birth Certificates; even though we have the Power of Attorney and the Adoption Decree, it is just neat to have this BIRTH CERTIFICATE with OUR NAMES as his parents!!

What our lawyer had to do is send the adoption decree to the Kansas Dept. of Vital Statistics, then once they had that on file we could send in our money and get official copies. We still have to take these certificates and get him a Social Security number & card at a social security office. We want to do that so we can start a savings account for him.

I re-worked our budget as we’ve been over spending, and I gave Joshua $25 a month for toys and $75 a month for clothes. Donald thinks that’s way too much, but I disagree. It’s taking a lot to keep him in clothes because he outgrows them!! We buy a few cute things new, but Drew and Andrea led us to Children’s Orchard, which has been a life saver. They have a lot of cute things that are so much cheaper than new. His outfit he wore for his professional 6 month photos was from Children’s Orchard, and it still had the tags on it, never been worn. We had gotten it for $7.00.
Formula and diapers run $200 a month, and Child Care is $500 a month (which is WAY cheaper than a lot of people pay, cause we have a family hook-up and it’s part time).

To help the budget, I’ve been making my own baby food. Donald’s folks got us some cool freezing trays, so I put the mashed food in the trays, let it freeze, then pop out the little triangles into a freezer bag for storage. I highly recommend the book “So Easy Baby Food” by Joan Ahlers & Cheryl Tallman for guidance.

Making my own baby food is SO CHEAP. I made 5 sweet potatoes and mashed them up and that will probably last months, and it was $4-$5 bucks. I made squash that will probably last months that was only $3-$4 dollars. If we count cereal (which I think is $12 a box) a 3 month supply of this baby food adds up to $21! Baby food pre-made in the store I think is at least .50 to .80 a jar. He would probably eat a jar in 1-2 meals. He’s eating some solids for lunch and supper now. So, I could spend $12 a month on canned baby food (or more if he’s eating more) or $7 a month making it myself. Donald’s folks also got us a food mill, (like a crank for grinding up food) and it looks pretty neat. I think it will come in handy as he gets older and can eat meat and if we go out to eat we can pop something in it and grind it up.

I’m continuing to cook on the weekends and freeze individual meals. It’s worked out well; we aren’t eating out, and I’m not trying to run home and cook supper after a long day at work. It will be nice when Donald gets his new schedule- it will be wonderful for none of us to work on Sundays so we can rest and hopefully have friends over for meals. Right now, the only day we get to hang out with people as a family is Friday night, so we have to pick who we’re going to see.

Oh, we watched the “John Adams” series that was on HBO a while back – rented it through Netflix. Donald and I bawled like babies at the end!! It was a great series, highly recommend it.

 From: http://www.democratsforlife.org/

 SENATE PASSES FOSTERING CONNECTIONS TO SUCCESS AND INCREASING ADOPTIONS ACT OF 2008

The U.S. Senate passed the bipartisan Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (HR 6893) on Monday, September 23. “This is the most significant legislation relating to adoption and foster care since the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997,” said Tom Atwood, President and CEO of NCFA. “It provides for a wide array of reforms to benefit children and their interest in adoption.”

The reforms in HR 6893 include: Reauthorizing the Adoption Incentives Program, whereby the federal government allocates financial rewards to states that have increased the number of children adopted from their foster care system, through 2013; Increasing the award amounts states stand to receive through the Adoption Incentives Program by establishing 2007 as the new “base year” against which future performance will be measured, and increasing the bonuses for special needs and older child adoptions; Ensuring all children with special needs adopted out of foster care are eligible for federal adoption assistance regardless of family income by 2018; Mandating that states inform prospective adoptive parents regarding eligibility for the adoption tax credit; Requiring states to make reasonable efforts to place siblings together; Establishing relative guardianship assistance payments in a way that does not creative incentives for relative guardianship over adoption; and Allowing states the option of extending adoption assistance, foster care maintenance and relative guardianship assistance payments to children aged 18, 19 or 20.

Sunday Joshua gets baptized at our new church, which is really exciting. I didn’t realize all the family that is coming into town; my aunt and uncle MIGHT be able to come, but they won’t know until the last minute. I’m putting together a brunch for everyone to have after the baptism (an idea I stole from Heather and Gretchen – they did brunches after their kids’ baptisms, I thought it was a cool idea…) It’s just been rough getting unpacked and getting the house clean. My mother in law is going to stay with us one day this week and she offered to watch Joshua so Donald can do some unpacking. Everything we do in the house needs to be scheduled!

Donald had a “date” to watch Joshua on Saturday so I could get up early and scrub the basement floor! I thought the stains were from our cats that had been making messes, so I scrubbed the whole floor, on my hands and knees, with a brush. Well, after I got it scrubbed, I realized the spots aren’t from the cats (as they’ve been out of our house about 5 days) but the basement is leaking! It’s a slow leak that I think is coming from the outdoor faucet and pooling through the wall. It’s gross looking, and I’m very upset about it. It was just the last straw. When we moved into our new house it was filthy, so we’ve been slowly trying to get it all cleaned up. The previous owners left TONS of junk that we had to pay to have hauled away, and the lawn was about 3 foot tall, so we had to hire someone to mow it for $60. We paid the prior owners rent until our mortgage closed, and we overpaid them for 2 days, and now they won’t return our realtor’s calls to repay us the 2 days rent! It was very nice of the prior owners to let us move in while we were dealing with our mortgage fiasco, but this whole experience has been so upsetting. I’ve had to pray a lot because I feel like I am just so mad about the whole house situation instead of being grateful, which is something I need to work on. It is a great house, and we have a great kid and a great marriage, but all these dumb house things with the old owners hit me this week when I realized the basement was leaking. And, it’s a slow leak, which typically isn’t covered by insurance – insurance typically covers pipe bursting and the like. So, that’s where I am. A house full of boxes that I never seem to have time to unpack, a leaky basement, and a lot of family coming into town this weekend. Wish me luck !

That reminds me….What in the world did I DO all day before being a parent? I am barely able to keep up on the dishes and laundry, but I feel MORE productive than I did before Joshua. I just think I was in a daze of depression from infertility or I just didn’t have very good time management skills because we had a lot of free time. I remember doing nothing when I got home from work but play video games. Now every night I’m feeding, changing, playing with Joshua, trying to take care of Luna, work on bills, put in some dishes or some laundry, and fit in some blogging on the side. I am running all day long, and I am so worn out! What did I DO all the time before we had him?!?!

So often Donald and I would see a movie spontaneously, or go out to eat, or just decide to shop for something (mostly some gadget at Best Buy). We had a lot of extra money and could do as we pleased without really planning anything. I loved just being with Donald, but after a while it got boring and kind of sad to be the only couple without kids.

You end up feeling alone and out of it, because everyone else you know has kids, and talks about their kids and what is going on with them. You grow apart from people because it just hurts to much to put yourself in situations with people with kids, so you lose friends. So, being childless had its good points and bad points, and it just hit me today how we’re in a new era in our lives. We had to redo our will and pick guardians for Joshua if something happens to us. We also need to redo our budget to save money for our next adoption. We’re thinking of ways to get coupons and save money for diapers and formula, and we’ve practically BEGGED everyone we know at work for hand-me-downs! We are those annoying people that won’t stop talking about their child and have 500 photos of him up at work. If I would have talked to myself a couple years ago, I would have driven myself nuts!

**We still haven’t gotten Joshua’s birth certificate! That is the final piece of the puzzle, to finally have it with Donald and mine’s names on it!

Yesterday Joshua’s adoption was finalized!

We were at the courthouse at 1pm. When we got there, one of the attorney’s mentioned that the judge was gone because his wife was in the hospital, and they were trying to find another judge to do the adoption finalization. Well, the other judge was busy. Around 2pm, our attorney found out that the original judge was going to come back to do some work and then go back to the hospital. The judge was back about 3:30pm, and we were done by 4pm. Our party was supposed to start at 4pm, but luckily we got a hold of the only person that was coming by early to let him know it wasn’t starting until later.

When we finally got into the courtroom, Joshua was hungry so I was finishing up a feeding. He decided to spit up, projectile style, all over my glasses, face, and hair. (you can’t make this stuff up) Donald was trying his best to keep from cracking up, but he graciously cleaned off my glasses. The attorney and the judge swore me in and asked me questions confirming my willingness to adopt Joshua. I started BAWLING and couldn’t answer the questions in a coherent manner, but we got through it. It was a great feeling when the judge said “The court concurs that they should adopt this child.” It’s FOREVER!!!!

Check out the photos on our flickr page!!!

While Joshua has been napping, I’ve been trying to unpack. Our adoption finalization party/open house is Wednesday from 4pm – 9pm. Email me at watermelonjessie at yahoo dot com if you didn’t get an evite.

I warned people that our house was still going to be a disaster for the open house, but I really wanted to do a little something to celebrate his finalization on the DAY his adoption was finalized. It is going to be awesome! I am so happy that we’ve had him with us since he was an HOUR old…definitely a big blessing! Some adoptive parents don’t get their kids until they are much older.

I have been a little nervous taking a full week off work unpaid, but it had to be done. There was no other way to get out of our old house and into our new house without taking off work. Donald has been working this weekend and will work tomorrow. He’s also going to work on 4th of July, so those hours should give us some good holiday pay. I’m on a bilingual committee at work so I have some things to do for that, but after that I will work on a proposal to make our company more friendly to adoptive families. I will keep you all updated as I work on that.

Still no word from the biological father, so we are all hopeful that everything will go ahead without a hitch on Wednesday!

Tuesday is the first day Uncle Drew is going to watch Joshua, and his own son Jaxon, at the same time! I watched them both on Friday and it was a challenge. Jaxon was great; he was in a good mood and laid down right away and took a GREAT nap. My son, however, just started becoming “clingy” with me. He wanted me to hold him the whole day. Well, when Jaxon needed something Joshua was just really unhappy, so for a couple hours there I was trying my best to fit two crying babies on my lap. It’s been fun, though, that Joshua knows I am mommy and the only thing that settles him down is me holding him, so that was a nice feeling. I just really wanted to do some laundry and get the kitchen unpacked.

Oh well, holding a baby is more fun than laundry or unpacking, wouldn’t you agree?

Joshua is doing better; no more explosive spit ups. We did soy formula for a day, then switched back to regular, he seems okay. Last night was a fussy night so I didn’t get hardly any sleep, going to crash here in a minute.

We got our hospital bill for Joshua for the two days he was there…guess what our out of pocket was?

$38.00! Awesome!

The OBGYN that delivered Joshua and gave his Birthmom her prenatal care charged us only $1500 for ALL the prenatal care AND the delivery, which is just awesome! I guess that’s a pretty sizable discount, I had in my mind that it should have cost around $3000. I guess this OBGYN does a lot of adoption deliveries and we feel so blessed he gave a discount like that – some things work out!

The appraisal on our house is getting closer, they’ve worked the guy up to a more reasonable amount, so we may be able to get the ends to meet and get our loan to go through. Our realtor and the seller’s realtor have been working their tails off presenting more information to the lender to advise why his appraisal is unreasonable. What a crazy situation! I am glad I don’t buy or sell houses very often, I think it’s given me an ulcer.

I was sitting at work today and my hair was driving me nuts. All last night when Joshua was fussy he would GRAB and yank on my hair. I decided, on a whim, to get my hair cut over lunch.

It is VERY short, but I think it’s cute. Actually, it could look crappy and I really wouldn’t care, I was tired of my son yanking on my hair and trying to stick it into his mouth. I took some photos, need to have help from the hubby to get them on here so you can see.
I showed my hair off to Jennie at work and she said, “Yep, it’s a new mommy haircut, you just had to get one.” Fun!

Oh Lord, I of little faith. What good news has been coming in lately.

1 week till we move!

2 weeks till the adoption is finalized! We haven’t heard anything about a biological dad coming forward from the newspaper advertisements….please pray with me that it stays that way!

We sent the birthmom’s best friend another set of photos and a quick update, that way, she’ll have them to look at whenever she’s ready. I want to write her a letter to tell her how blessed we feel to be Joshua’s parents, but I haven’t been able to come up with the right words…hopefully, they will come to me when the time is right.

Joshua has been gassy and spitting up the past week. However, last night he spit up so much I had to change him and his bassinett 3 times – one of those times was PROJECTILE spit up – it woke me up!

Our social worker mentioned African American babies have a greater tendency to be lactose intolerant. So, I have some lactose free formula. I just fed him 2.5 ounces of it, and he didn’t seem to mind it. I will have to see if this decreases the spit up, gassiness, and overall unhappiness. I have got to remember to talk to the doctor on Friday.

Joshua was with Donald’s Aunt Delaina all day yesterday! They said that he was good and they had fun babysitting him. Aunt Delaina offered to take him the WHOLE next weekend (even overnight on Saturday) so we can pack and get ready for our move on May 21st! What a BIG blessing! Also, Donald’s friend Becky offered to still take Josh on Thursday even though Donald doesn’t have class, so that should help as well. I didn’t get as much done yesterday as I wanted…except, I took a HUGE nap. I packed probably half of the nursery stuff that we aren’t really using (big clothes, the crib stuff, and decorations). I am not sure why we set up the crib since he’d be little enough to use the bassinett until we moved. I guess we set it up so we could feel like it was really happening.

Oh, yea! It’s mother’s day! Donald got me 2 charms for my italian charm bracelet, one says “Joshua”, the other says “Arden”. Mother’s day the past few years has been so hard for me.

Now that I’m a mom, it just feels like a normal day. I have been praying off and on for everyone going through infertility today; it’s a rough day to go through. Looking back, infertility is such a dark and cavernous pain. What makes it worse is that people don’t understand how bad it is, people seem to try and talk you out of how bad you’re feeling. They say things like “Just relax” or “Other people have too many kids that they can’t afford” or “You’re lucky you haven’t had a bunch of miscarriages” or “Well, you just have a lot more money without kids.” I guess people that have cancer or difficult life circumstances go through the same barrage of ignorant comments, it just seems more poignant when you’re in the middle of the infertility roller coaster.

I think the best thing to say is, “I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?” That will keep you out of trouble in a lot of hurtful life cases.

On the adoption front, our social worker came over on Wednesday. We have 1 more meeting with her on May 23rd in our new house. She said that one other couple that she works with is having their finalization on May 28th as well, a little bi-racial African American girl named Emre. I think that is a cool name! It will be fun to have another couple there. Our social worker mentioned that the other family is in the middle of moving as well; they’re even putting off their move by a couple weeks until the adoption is finalized. Everybody has been paid, the “advertisements” for the biodad are in the paper, the only thing to do is show up on May 28th and get it finalized.

Keep checking Joshua’s Flickr page (there is a link on the upper right hand corner) We will put all the pictures there. It’s in order of most recent to oldest.