On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

I have another test tomorrow that I haven’t really studied for. It’s on personal insurance portfolio managment. (Fun, huh?) I just took a test on Monday to be licensed to handle claims for our insureds that live in Wyoming. I’ve found studying for exams to actually be kind of fun and relaxing, keeps me from thinking about all the other craziness going on in our lives.

We haven’t printed out our home study yet and started filling it out, farthest we’ve gotten is buying a new printer cartridge to actually print it. Every month I go through this. “Oh, maybe I’m pregnant and we don’t have to adopt.” Well, I was trying to think how long it’s been since we started trying, and I think it’s been 3 or 4 years. I think there comes a point where I need to realize it probably won’t ever happen if it hasn’t happened yet. Our next door neighbor told me that they tried to have a baby for 9 years before finally giving up. Good grief.

We got out homestudy emailed to us today, 15 plus pages of what I call “the extra-nosy job interview.” Except it is much more personal. Describe your childhood? What is your dad like? What are your tax records for the past 2 years? Can I get a copy of your marriage certificate? What are good and bad childhood memories?

Emailed everyone that I could think of that I have asked to be a reference for us the past couple years, since there is 1 whole page with about 15 spaces asking for references. It feels better to have it, it’s been making me nuts having to wait, I am less frustrated when I can at least feel like I’m making progress towards having a child. I am trying to not think about how “regular” parents don’t have to fill this stuff out, that’s not my journey, this is our journey. Rather than carrying and birthing a baby, we’re going to get ours with paperwork and prayer. This will be our story, our family’s story, and our kids will still be our kids, no matter if I birthed them or not. If we really are against abortion, we need to be willing to give these moms an alternative. If we (I mean, we, proverbial, as Christians) really believe that life starts at the beginning, we need to be willing to put our money where our mouth is and give children a home that need a home. We aren’t going to be perfect parents, we aren’t going to be rich, but we can give a child love and a roof and clothing.

I was going to bed last night and I’ve been thinking and praying for this baby all last night and all today. I really can’t listen to the news before I go to bed, too many terrible stories like this.

My husband joked that we’re bored. We are currently trying to sell our house, buy a house, put a book together for potential birth moms, meeting with social workers….everything is swirling around us at once! AND, work has been the busiest and most stressful for me that it’s been so far! Yipee!

The first meeting with social worker S.T. to start the home study is scheduled for June 13th.

We found a house we LOVE with this huge backyard, we made an offer, but the realtor selling that house couldn’t get a hold of the sellers. Well, by the time they got a hold of the sellers ANOTHER offer was made on the house. The other offer I guess is similar to our offer, but there is no contingency on it. Our offers all say “we can only make this offer and buy it if our own house sells.” So, I am expecting they will take the other person’s offer over ours since they can buy the house free and clear. That’s what I would do.

so, I’m trying to prepare myself for the next round of looking at homes. Also, we have been talking with our adoption attorney about adoption fees. They come in around 11,000 to 12,000. There are tax credits (that is one good thing Bush administration has done that we’re greatful for) where you get most if not all of the money back that you’ve put into the adoption. However, the trick is having the money the previous year to throw out there for it. Hubby and I feel like we’ve been waiting forever for kids, and now everythng is happening at once, and I hate it that we have to think about if we can shell out that much money at once to adopt a child.  We need to buy a bigger house that’s closer to work just to make our lives easier and have more room for child(ren), but then that brings down how much extra money we have to put into adoption. I had looked into grants from work but I guess our employer doesn’t do that. It just all seems very frustrating and unfair (as it always will), but we know other people have adopted and they’ve made it through this experience and it’s worked out in the end.

I have played phone tag with the social worker that our attorney suggested – she is super swamped but she may be able to make time for us since we haven’t bought a new house yet. A lot of the actual home study photos and evaluations can come at a later date. We need to have family and friends write references for us, so I’ve been making a mental list of all the people I need to ask to do that for us. We also need to get writing our family book to give to our attorney and gathering up photos – it’s hard to do that when a lot of stuff is packed!

There is a house I really, really like that I’m showing the hubby tomorrow – it’s right at the top of our price range. There is another house that’s cheaper that we’re seeing tomorrow as well, but I don’t like it nearly as much. It should be interesting. Today I had a surprise visitor to look at our current home – and another appointment tomorrow. I just want to get moved so we have more room to work on this home study and paperwork we need to write!