On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted!

We just got back from a family vacation to see Kent & Wynona in Muskogee, OK (Donald’s aunt and uncle) and Dan & Michelle & their kids in Rogers, AR (Donald’s cousins.) It was fun visiting everyone, and it was a blast seeing Josh react to everyone. He really started walking. Before this long weekend, he would take 4 or 5 steps at a time and stop. Well, this weekend, he began walking everywhere. He loves being chased and chasing others. Kent & Wynona had a set of old cracker tins that Joshy loved taking the lids off, banging around, scooting across the floor, and carrying around. At Dan & Michelle’s house, Josh loved riding on Gabe (he’s 8 years old) like he was a horse – Josh even clapped on Monday when Gabe came home from school.

Monday was my 32nd birthday while we were at Dan and Michelle’s – it’s funny, this is the 2nd year I’ve been there for my birthday. Last time I was there was in March of 07. I remember we were telling them at that time we were starting the adoption research and process. It was so neat to see Josh play with their kids – Alexis and Brennan would carry Josh around and help us watch him. Gabe shared his bath toys with him and made Josh laugh.

When we were with Kent & Wynona, Wynona loved carrying Josh around and their son Brian (who doesn’t have kids) even thanked Donald for us bringing Josh to visit.

There is something special about kids, and babies, in particular, that just make you happy. Even though it was pretty stressful trying to take care of Josh and keep him in a schedule, it was worth it to watch him play with Kent & Wynona and Dan & Michelle and their kids.

Sometimes the infertility monster comes out and still hurts…sometimes I wonder if Donald and I were able to have a biological child what that child would have looked like. Sometimes I think back to when we were first married and we would talk about the kids we would have some day, wondering if the children would look more than me or Donald.

These feelings of sadness are shortlived and fleeting. I am so glad the time period between 04 – 07 is over; that waiting and being depressed and feeling guilty about infertility was terrible. I am also glad, though, that our social worker warned us that even after we adopted the infertility monster would come back and haunt us. It’s more the fact that we’re different, than the fact we can’t have biological children. I threw down our American Baby magazine in disgust because there was a huge article on “Which one of you will your baby look like?” and how to pick which genes might be carried down. Yes, that is the way most people have babies, is by getting pregnant. But I hate when it’s always assumed that’s how you have your family. I guess it’s good that not everyone is infertile, I just wish there was more sensitivity.

It’s National Adoption Awareness Month, so our Diversity Club put up a bulletin board in our largest breakroom about me, Donald and Joshua.  I am very tickled by it – there are some photos of Joshua’s birthday, his “Gotcha” day, and a write up I did on our adoption story.

It struck me, though, thinking about the Diversity Club doing a bulletin board on adoption. The purpose of the Diversity Club is to educate and promote differences in the work place. I guess it just hit me that we are a different and a diverse family. It started hitting me as I looked back on Josh’s birthday photos. I wasn’t in a hospital gown, tired after just giving birth, like every other new mom photo.

Our new parent photos are Donald and I in chairs in the NICU unit, I am wearing a bright orange shirt and makeup so Josh could see me more clearly. The first time we saw Josh was after he was all cleaned up and in a diaper. We don’t have any sonograms (or 3-D sonograms!!) like some moms have in their scrapbooks. Josh has brown eyes, Donald and I both have blue. Josh was born with olivey skin and dark slightly curly hair, Donald and I were both very, very blonde when we were little. I didn’t buy maternity clothes, or have that panicked “Oh my gosh the pregnancy test is positive!” call to my husband.

What do we have?

On April 4, 2008, we got an email from our social worker that said simply, “Call me! I have good news!” Donald called her, spoke to her for about 45 minutes, then called me at work to tell me we’d be chosen to adopt a baby boy set to be induced April 16, 08. I got off the phone and hollared around at work to ANYONE around me that we were getting a baby! In 12 days, we converted our guest room to a nursery, bought clothes and bottles, figured out how FMLA worked, and had a family shower and a work shower.  On April 18, 2008, when we were leaving the hospital, Donald was in the backseat with Josh, and I was driving. Donald burst into tears and said, “I just can’t believe it, I just love him so much.” That’s the way it’s been, since that first night we took turns staying up all night with him, we knew he was ours because there was no one else. The nurses & our family gave us advice, but he was our responsibility, our child, our Joshua, and we loved him from the moment we saw him. Whenever I look at photos of him, or when I play with him or dance with him, I love him more.

This is so silly. Donald talks about the Three Amigos movie a lot (plus Donald is a huge Steve Martin fan). Well, the movie came on Friday night, and during the song “My little buttercup” Joshua was SQUEAKING and LAUGHING and JUMPING UP AND DOWN! It was hilarious! All I could say to Donald was, “He’s your kid!” It’s just funny little things like that, even though he doesn’t look like us, sometimes he’ll do things that I know God is telling us he’s our baby.

I took out Joshua’s newborn sling from his baby bathtub because he is too big for it.

Tonight I gave him a bath in his baby tub, and he was probably sitting in 6″ of water. This was enough water for him to lay back and float his little legs. It was SO ADORABLE. I couldn’t leave him alone in the tub or I would have grabbed the video camera. He laid back on his bottom, arms over each side of the tub, floating his chunky little legs back and forth across the water, watching them float!! I was laughing SO HARD I could hardly help him sit up.

The tub has a “shallow end” for his bottom and a “deep end” where his feet are supposed to go. Well, I turned him around and helped him sit up in the “deep end.” He sat up (with my help) and starting pounding his fists into the water. He thought that was the best game ever! He got his mommy soaked. He was grabbing the little washcloths and rubbing them on his face and chest, like he was trying to wash himself. Adorable.

Spent part of the day with “Grandma Pat” & “Grandpa Phil” – Josh had a great time with them – smiled and posed for the camera like a pro! He only had a couple short crying jags – I think his teeth have really been bothering him and he needs to keep on a good schedule of orajel to keep the pain at bay. We visited Daddy at work and bought a bunch of fallish clothes at Children’s Orchard….Joshua outgrew SO MUCH within a short amount of time. Some 3-6 mo. outfits he only wore a few times. He’s skipped to 6-9 months. He’s not particularily big or heavy, but I think it’s his height. I will be fascinated to watch him grow up and see how big he gets when he’s older. I spent about $50 and got a big bag full of good stuff and dropped off some smaller clothes that Children’s Orchard is going to buy for credit. I would probably get more money selling them at a garage sale, but I just haven’t the time. I am tossing around the idea of hiring a housekeeping service for at least a couple times a month and seeing if I can fit that in our budget.

I borrowed the new New Kids on the Block album from my friend Savanna at work and I love it! I can’t wait to see them in concert in November. My sister Julie and I were supposed to see them in Illinois with a group of friends but they CANCELLED the concert on us. I got kind of sad tonight because I think my mom would have gotten a big kick out of Julie and I finally going to see NKOTB – mom bought us a bunch of NKOTB dolls that ended up getting destroyed in the housefire.

Makes me sad, also, that my mom didn’t get to meet Joshua. I think she would have had a fun time being a grandma.

This is Jessie’s husband posting for her. I thought this was too good not to share!

Joshua has been gassy and spitting up the past week. However, last night he spit up so much I had to change him and his bassinett 3 times – one of those times was PROJECTILE spit up – it woke me up!

Our social worker mentioned African American babies have a greater tendency to be lactose intolerant. So, I have some lactose free formula. I just fed him 2.5 ounces of it, and he didn’t seem to mind it. I will have to see if this decreases the spit up, gassiness, and overall unhappiness. I have got to remember to talk to the doctor on Friday.

Joshua was with Donald’s Aunt Delaina all day yesterday! They said that he was good and they had fun babysitting him. Aunt Delaina offered to take him the WHOLE next weekend (even overnight on Saturday) so we can pack and get ready for our move on May 21st! What a BIG blessing! Also, Donald’s friend Becky offered to still take Josh on Thursday even though Donald doesn’t have class, so that should help as well. I didn’t get as much done yesterday as I wanted…except, I took a HUGE nap. I packed probably half of the nursery stuff that we aren’t really using (big clothes, the crib stuff, and decorations). I am not sure why we set up the crib since he’d be little enough to use the bassinett until we moved. I guess we set it up so we could feel like it was really happening.

Oh, yea! It’s mother’s day! Donald got me 2 charms for my italian charm bracelet, one says “Joshua”, the other says “Arden”. Mother’s day the past few years has been so hard for me.

Now that I’m a mom, it just feels like a normal day. I have been praying off and on for everyone going through infertility today; it’s a rough day to go through. Looking back, infertility is such a dark and cavernous pain. What makes it worse is that people don’t understand how bad it is, people seem to try and talk you out of how bad you’re feeling. They say things like “Just relax” or “Other people have too many kids that they can’t afford” or “You’re lucky you haven’t had a bunch of miscarriages” or “Well, you just have a lot more money without kids.” I guess people that have cancer or difficult life circumstances go through the same barrage of ignorant comments, it just seems more poignant when you’re in the middle of the infertility roller coaster.

I think the best thing to say is, “I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do?” That will keep you out of trouble in a lot of hurtful life cases.

On the adoption front, our social worker came over on Wednesday. We have 1 more meeting with her on May 23rd in our new house. She said that one other couple that she works with is having their finalization on May 28th as well, a little bi-racial African American girl named Emre. I think that is a cool name! It will be fun to have another couple there. Our social worker mentioned that the other family is in the middle of moving as well; they’re even putting off their move by a couple weeks until the adoption is finalized. Everybody has been paid, the “advertisements” for the biodad are in the paper, the only thing to do is show up on May 28th and get it finalized.

Keep checking Joshua’s Flickr page (there is a link on the upper right hand corner) We will put all the pictures there. It’s in order of most recent to oldest.

Man, if you don’t want to read about babies or kid stuff, you may not want to read my blog anymore! That is all that’s on my brain. I dream about Joshua, I see him when I close my eyes, I can even smell him sometimes! This is a trip!

Well, in the world of too much information, Josh had a HUGE poop in his diaper early this morning. Yellow, rotten, cottage cheese type stuff. It was awesome! He also peed all over the wall! (Dad missed that, but he was very proud!) We have a little boy in our house!

We tried the powdered formula again but with a different nipple (a longer and skinnier one) and he’s done alright with the powdered stuff. Donald did get me signed up on Enfamil to get coupons and stuff since he seems to like it the best.

I like this parent stuff. It’s fun! Tiring, but a lot of fun.

Man, I give kudos to all you moms that BIRTHED your babies first and then had to care for them! I am tuckered out and I didn’t even have to push this little one out! Wow…

…I was up with Joshua all night, Donald slept on this super fantastic cot. The nurse was laughing at how Donald was out and just snoring away. Donald is a pro at swaddling though, so that’s his job for now. Last night I was up at 11pm, 2am, 5am, and Donald got up to do the 8am feeding. Last night Joshua was on my shoulder after I was burping him and he turned his head to look at me, it was so cool! And then last night while I was giving him his bottle, he turned his whole head so he could look at me better! I just love this little guy, I can’t believe it. I am tired but I am so happy at the same time. I think it’s finally sinking in. Can’t wait for these first sets of papers to get signed today!

Dad is holding little Joshua. He is the most adorable baby in the whole world!

Got to meet birthmom’s friend Katy that brought birthmom to the hospital & stayed through delivery. The birthmom didn’t want to meet us or exchange information, but we exchanged information with her. We’re going to email her photos of the baby and us and if sometime in the future the birthmom decides she wants to look at them, she can.

Katy shared with us what has been going on with birthmom. I guess birthmom was crying this morning and was having a hard time, but still wanted to go through with the adoption. When he was born, the doctor held Joshua up, and birthmom told him, “I am not doing this because I don’t love you, I’m doing this because I love you.” Katy shared that the birthmom has no interest in changing her mind, she wants to give us the baby, and is prepared to sign any and all documents. That made us feel a lot better. We told Katy to please tell the birthmom how brave she is, how courageous she is, and how much we appreciate what she’s done for us. We’re going to write the birth mom a letter and give it to Susan (our social worker) and the birthmom can decide if she wants to read it sometime in the future. It was neat how excited Katy was for us, and she was happy we were adopting the baby, it was a great experience.

Birthmom wanted to go home right away today, but she couldn’t relinquish the baby to us until 12 hours after birth. So, our social worker is going to meet with birthmom tomorrow to have her sign the relinquishment paperwork. For now, we are caring for Joshua with a signed Power of Attorney; his birthmom is giving us ability to make all health decisions and keep him in our care until she signs the papers tomorrow. I guess the dad’s parental rights will need to be terminated at court in 2 – 3 months. Donald and I were talking about it and we think we’ll have Joshua baptized at our new church after we move and after the adoption is finalized.

It feels wonderful, it’s nuts that we are this baby’s PARENTS. We aren’t babysitting, we aren’t keeping him for a while, but he is OURS. What a beautiful gift we’ve been given!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Originally uploaded by metamorphilia.

Joshua Arden Salsbury

7 pounds, 19 inches, and more beautiful than we could have imagined! Lots more pictures here!

Talked to our social worker on Thursday. We were not picked by the two birth families (one baby was born on 12.26.07 and one was due 02.04.08) However, our social worker told us that she will let a birthmom in Nebraska know about us. We’ll see!

On the home front, everything is done. We didn’t have our realtor do photos on Friday, but he should take them sometime this week and get it back up on the market. We just have some cleaning to do and a little rearranging but that is it.

Found another attorney to help us with our mom’s estate stuff, so that was a good feeling to finally get some help on that. Hopefully, that will be resolved within the next couple of weeks. Today is just a laid back day, working on laundry and the cross stitch for my nephew. He hasn’t been born yet but should be anytime!

It will be fun being an aunt I think. Hubby was in Target a couple weeks ago and he was trying to convince me to buy our  nephew  a Star Wars Lego Set that is meant for an 8-10 year old. I advised Hubby that his nephew will not be able to play with a Star Wars lego set right out of the womb. Hubby said “well, I will give a lot of supervision!” Well, I’m sure.