Saturday at 7am we are walking in a 5k which supports the Zicker family orphan mission Fields of promise (on blogroll).
After that, our church is having their first ever “Adoption Support Group.”
That night, we’re going to a surprise 50th birthday party for a friend. So, it will be a busy day, but I’m hoping to make a large post on Saturday with everything I’ve learned from our church’s adoption meeting.
Got the treadmill today! I used it for 15 minutes while dying my hair and watching animal planet. Boy, that was a sight!
Learned from Lori’s Lines (on blogroll to the left) November is adoption month! Very, very cool.
I was telling my husband maybe the reason we haven’t been able to have kids yet is because he is supposed to be a guardian for this young man with Down’s Syndrome. I am always trying to see open doors where other doors are shut, maybe I’m must trying to be an optimist. I am hopeful that God will continue to guide us in that and let us know if we shouldn’t do it just because of everything we’ve been going through already. Honestly, I am praying for a very, very shut door, mostly because it seems to me to make sense to be this young man’s guardian.
God has been very good to us. Hubby and I have both gotten significant raises, which will help us pay of debt, buy a new house, and feel less stressed about the money we may need to spend on adoption.
One week until the meeting of the adoption support group at our church! I cannot wait! (Also the day of the 5k for Ethiopian orphans….my training has not been going so well as far as that is concerned.)
Registered my husband and I for a 5k Run (I will be walking) that benefits orphans in Ethiopia. After the run, the adoption group is meeting from church. It will be a day of learning about orphans!
I have been walking at 5am most mornings with a friend, last week it was only 1 day due to the rain. This coming week we should be purchasing a used treadmill.
I haven’t weighed myself lately, I really don’t want to see it! I am just praying that God would take away this desire to eat whenever I’m depressed or anxious.
My husband might be playing basketball tonight w/ the men’s group. We have our budget to work on. Yesterday I did a bunch of laundry and paid bills. When did becoming an adult be so boring?
This is getting harder and harder to keep plugging away when month after month there is this roller coster of anticipation, a couple weeks of waiting, and then disappointment. We’ve tried all sorts of crazy “home methods” and “old wives tales,” and we’ll continue to do so. Nothing else to do while we’re waiting to move into a bigger house, as we’ve decided we’re not going to start filling out paperwork until we’ve moved. I have being so happy and hoping and then so disappointed. I just wish I could turn my emotions off or I wish I could be told that we’re infertile, but there is nothing wrong, nothing to fix. It’s just waiting, and when we get tired of waiting and nothing has happened, it’s moving on to the next step.
I am so tired! I have done overtime this past week, have been studying for exams and Bible studies. My husband and I are taking a Crown Financial Ministries course, we’re studying Proverbs in our covenant grouop, I’m daily doing an online study relating to weight loss.
I have lost 7 pounds, in 14 days, which is exciting I suppose. I honestly am more excited about getting to know Jesus better and really depending upon Him when I’m anxious rather than eating cereal or pasta (the two foods I tend to binge on).
I’m stopping the adoption research for a while, there is a lot going on, and I really want to focus on eating healthier and exercising. I had to cancel my gym membership, but I’ve been walking at work on my lunch breaks. For my birthday, I think I’m going to ask for exercise dvds.
I am going to watch some olympics and then go to bed. It was a bad idea to work a 12 hour shift yesterday.
Oh! Got a bonus! Praise God! That will really help with the bills. Can’t wait until next week when we get my paycheck and that bonus.
Last night I was at work & there are electronic announcement boards. There were 6 new babies born to employees the last couple of weeks.
My friend R. is now a grandma. Her youngest daughter had a baby on January 16th. I didn’t even know she was pregnant, and I don’t know if she’s married. Robin and I haven’t talked much lately because R.’s been going to school to become a physician’s assistant. She mentioned she had to visit her daughter in January; I didn’t realize because she was due with a baby.
I had coffee with the pastor’s wife yesterday. We had a very, very good talk. Some of what we talked about was reaching out when you’re hurting, because people don’t always know to call you. People don’t read minds. She suggested I meet with a good friend of hers who is probably 55 and is married, and has never had children. When I called this woman to see if I could meet with her about her struggles with infertility, I felt like such a jerk. Basically I was asking “Hey, can you share your story with me, even though it probably feels like a knife in your heart?” I thanked her for agreeing to meet with me; I didn’t know what else to say when she started crying on the phone.
What do these stories have in common? I don’t know. Two different things I found out in one day. God had two completely different paths for these women: an unwed mother and a married woman who chose not to adopt when they were unable to have children.
My pastor’s wife said something very good: she said all things must force us to throw ourselves at God’s feet. All things come into our lives to mold us, to shape us, to build us up. We may petition God, He may not do what we ask, but we must ask Him and admit we are needy of Him.
Where does the running come in? Well, after hearing about R.’s daughter and the 6 new babies at work I just wanted to throw myself out the window. I can’t describe it: I’m not mad at people for having children. I guess I’m mad because I’m not the one getting the attention, I’m not the one on maternity leave, I’m not the one getting baby showers, who knows what my deal is. Maybe I’m selfish & jealous.
I was walking out of the restroom at work after reading R.’s email about her daughter and seeing the electronic board flash by another “Congratulations to the newest member of the Farmer’s family!” I won’t lie, I muttered to myself “F***, I need to start running again. I need something else to do”
I started the beginning runner’s program again. I am going to work up to 5k and then a marathon, which has been one of my life’s goals.
1. play piano
2. learn to paint oil
3. run a marathon
4. learn to play the organ
I need something else to think about besides babies. It’s making me nuts.
My new schedule is to go to the gym at noon, work out for 30-40 minutes, hit the steam room, then go to work at 1:30pm to be there by 2:30. Though I’ve left most days later than I would like, it’s worked out pretty well. My weight is at 278.00 I feel like punching someone. Namely, myself. I’ve been eating better, but I still want to eat a lot when I get home from work at 11pm. I honestly feel hungry.
I want to do some research on this. I think my period is on it’s way…..remind me to blog about the nightmares I keep having. It’s almost the same nightmare, changes slightly.
Well, it’s always hard coming back from vacation….especially when work is absolutely nuts when you return! Our time with Jamie & Jacob and family was very, very fun. (Though tiring!) It’s neat the certain friends that you just instantly pick up where you left off without effort.
Yesterday, went to do weights at the gym. I weighed myself, 273. I have had some good eating days and bad eating days while I was at Jamie & Jacob’s, but overall good days. I ate a lot of carrots, apples, and drank a lot of water.
I struggle when my blood sugar dips. I feel so crummy when it’s low I can’t even think. In order to combat that, I have to eat protein throughout the day, and a mix of fruits and veggies. For a long time I would eat meat only once a week, but to feel good, I really have to eat it more often. I’m upset because our one cat India was gone all night in the freezing cold and she hasn’t returned. I am worried that something happened to her.
I have been feeling a little odd…I weighed myself at the gym yesterday and I am still at 270 pounds. I am 5′4″, which means I am in the obese category. I did weights yesterday (a variety of arms and legs) and today 20 minutes of cardio. I got my heart rate up to 160 beats per minute. An article on the wall of the gym gives a formula on how many calories to eat to lose weight….my calorie intake should be 1750 daily to safely lose weight. I have eaten 2 chocolate chip muffins today, each 450 calories, so I’ve already eaten 900 calories, which leaves 850 left for the rest of the day. I have done Weight Watchers, which boils down calories and fat into points & makes it simpler to keep track. I am determined to lose this weight for my health, and use this blog to track and stay accountable to what I’m doing. I doubt anyone is reading my blog, but it will be a good picture of my transformation. I will post pictures as soon as I’m able….I was so upset when I saw the wedding pictures at my brother-in-law’s wedding and the way I looked. I just looked so huge! I miss when I weighed 180 pounds when my husband and I got married. I still had weight to lose, but I felt so much better. I lost 40 pounds (went from 222 to 180) from doing a program called Weigh Down. Gwen Shamblin has since started her own Church (a cult really: Remnant Fellowship. They do not believe in the Trinity, which is a fundamental Christian belief) so my church doesn’t really want me teaching classes with her materials. I have gotten involved with Thin Within, a Christian weight loss system that started before Weigh Down did, but has a lot of the same principles. I am a member so I can access all the content, and I am seeing a counselor, Emma W., who deals with eating disorders. It’s been helpful. Every little change makes a difference, so even though I’m not seeing results, I need to trust that they are going to show up!
