On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

November 11th our church is holding a 5k Run sponsoring Zicker Family missions (on my blogroll to the left) supporting orphans in Ethiopia. After the 5k run, a group of families from our church is going to discuss adoption. S., someone I’ve talked with off and on the past couple of years, is going to be one of the speakers on her adoption story. She and her husband adopted 2 girls from China.

S. came up to me at the women’s brunch today just to make sure I knew about the meeting as I’ve been asking her a lot of questions. So, I am very excited about our church starting this “Heart of adoption” discussion time and group.

[the following is taken from my church's bulletin]

This coincides also with Family Life and Focus on the Family have teamed up with Shaohannah’s hope as one voice to call the body of Christ to care for orphans. During the week of November 13th-17th both radio programs will be discussing adoption and orphans. They have also launched a new website, www.voiceoftheorphan.org

So, as we’re gathering all our paperwork and gleaming information, I think this will be a good time. Waiting is difficult. At the women’s brunch today there were 2 women with very young babies. I know it was selfish of me, but I had to get out of there. Lately, I’ve had a hard time talking with or seeing people with young babies. I guess I would have expected to be a mom by now, and it’s difficult to watch people younger, or my age, with children.

However, the whole point of the brunch today was that life doesn’t always turn out the way that we want it to. If God calls us through certain trials or certain circumstances, those are ours to bear. It is all meant to glorify Him and draw us closer to Him. Doesn’t always mean it’s going to be easy, but that is what He requires of us. The speaker played a Ginny Owen song today, and the lyrics are as follows:

I am probably jumping the gun, but I am starting to tell people when they ask me what’s going on (and old friend emailed me.) That my husband and I are moving next spring and then we’re going to pursue adoption.

It kind of puts butterflies in my stomach, because I think “How will they react?”, “Is this a for sure thing?”

How did you tell people you were adopting? Did you tell people right away at the beginning, or wait until the process was almost complete??

Emailed my friend H. today about adopting through the Foster care system. Asked her if she could guide me through some websites that address it. My friend H. works for Douglas County as a coordinator of volunteers for Citizen Review Board. The website on the front right now is basically adverstising adoption, so I’m going to read through that site first and then see what else H. guides me to.

This is one site I found on Kansas Foster Care This is an old site it seems
This is a website that generally lays out differences between international and domestic. Obviously, the site favors domestic adoption and has services for Birthmothers, which is great if you’re in an unplanned pregnancy situation.

Will update more with what I find out tomorrow!

I talked with P. yesterday, a social worker in our church that works as a “Home Study” helper. Now, yesterday at this time I had no idea what a “Home Study” was. Basically, it’s a form you fill out that summarizes who you and your spouse are, your income, your hobbies, etc. It is a form that adoption agencies use (and governments) to see if you’re a match to adopt. I was talking with her after Bible Study yesterday because she and her family adopted Náte from Ethiopia. He came to them after his mother dropped him off at an Aids Clinic to receive treatment. She died shortly after. P. explained that in most African countries the mothers and fathers would starve themselves before they would give up their children, but the AIDS epidemic is causing true orphans. Now, P. said she and her four kids are going to spend a year in Ethiopia, and are hoping they can adopt an older child when they are overseas. I am planning on keeping them in my prayers, what an adventure!

I decided to talk to P. about her opinions on adoption, as she has 3 birth children and 1 legally adopted child (as well as another older child that considers her and her husband mom and dad, though not legally adopted). What P. explained is that there are two different types of adoptions: Domestic and International. Then there are Private Domestic. Good grief.

What’s hard about domestic adoption, as she explained, is domestic is centered around the birth mother. The birth mother goes to an agency, flips through all these profiles, and picks one. Now, your profile may sit in this file for years, or the same day you put in your profile (home study) a birth mother might choose it. It’s an open adoption: which means the birth mother gets to choose and meet you. In her experience, P. explained that people have to wait a long time to adopt. Some couples to adopt domestically may have to wait five years, which is an eternity if you’ve already been waiting for a baby. We didn’t talk about private domestic adoption too much; I think that’s the type you use if you want to spend a lot to get a newborn directly from the hospital. I will have to do some research on that particular one.

International Adoption is different for every country. For example, some countries want you to personally get on a plane to pick up your child. Some countries only allow an escort to get your child and bring them back to you at the airport. Some countries (like South Africa) want to know specifics on your church and church attendance. Some countries (like China) don’t want church mentioned in your application at all. She explained typically from the year you fill out your home study, within that year you will be ‘matched’ with a child. Also, on these applications you can specify what kind of child you want (age range and sex, etc.) These can run $15,000-$20,000 an adoption (including airfare), but there are income tax credits that can be spread out over 4 years. Also, some employers give incentives for adoption. P. said that basically her adoption of Náte was free.

It all seems very strange to me that an agency would charge for a child to get a good home. I suppose they have costs for looking up our records. I would hope that a good portion of that money would go to orphanages. I have told lots of people that it doesn’t seem fair; there is no ’surprise’ in adoption. You have to fill out a lot of paperwork, pay a lot of money, talk to a lot of people, figure out what to do, figure out what type of infertility treatment you will or won’t do. People who can just get pregnant get pregnant, and have a baby! Wham, it shows up. Now, I know that’s not as simple as it sounds. I know God is sovereign, and He decides who will and won’t be able to have children. He can open or close a womb by His choice, and it is His perfect timing.

However, something weird is going on with me. I am frustrated by the adoption process, but I am excited that God could take a child that is not flesh and blood and make them your child. I think there needs to be an understanding that it wouldn’t be the courts, or the governments, or the paperwork you sign. It is God that causes us to be a body, a family, united in Christ.

One of my other friends from church said she and her husband had a heart for China, and that’s why they adopted two Chinese girls. If there would be a country or a region that I am passionate about, it would be South America. My ear is just always tuned to the political situation, the issues that effect South America. If it were completely up to me, and I know there are a lot of other factors involved, I would chose to adopt a child from Mexico or South America. However, what P. shared about the AIDS epidemic in Africa really got me thinking. I will have to do some more research on that topic as well.

One of my girlfriends from church, Shawn B., has adopted 2 girls from China. I talked to her last summer about adoption and the infertility struggle. She suggested a website from Campus Crusade for Christ, called FamilyLife. I decided to take my friend Jamie’s suggestion (she’s so wise, even if she is a year younger than me ) and seek people IN the church to help me with this struggle. I am going to ask Donald if we can pray with some elders after Church tomorrow.

The Weber family, who minister with FamilyLife, list 4 reasons misperceptions Christians have that keep them from adopting. [from their August 2005 newsletter]:
1. Adoption is a complicated process with confusing laws
2. I will not be able to love an adopted child like a biological child
3. I am afraid of problems adopted children may have down the road
4. Only people with about $20,000 in extra cash sitting around can actually adopt.

I must admit I have struggled with these same concerns. I am ready to look into adoption, and I am trying to gather all the resources and support I can. Unfortunately, an adopted baby isn’t going to just “show up” on my doorstep: this will take deliberate planning and follow through.

Not having much money is an intimidating thought. As I’m going through our debts and our bills, it scares me to no end to think if we don’t have enough money to support ourselves, how are we going to support a child??