On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

Another couple from work that I’ve helped and mentored through the adoption process is in line to adopt a baby due 10/10/09. I am hopeful this goes through. Before we adopted Josh, we had some potential matches, but they have had potential matches come close to working out and then it would fall through. I am praying this one goes through without a hitch.

The other work couple whose son was born 7/16 has their adoption hearing 10/15. Please pray for both these families that their family is complete soon.

When we were still in the process of adopting Joshua & he was only about a month old, a co worker of mine, we’ll call her H, was asking me lots of nosy, (almost borderline rude) questions about the adoption process, the birth mother, & the cost. She didn’t ask me as if she really wanted to know, but she would throw judgemental comments and didn’t seem very supportive of the whole idea. She kept saying, “I don’t know how you can love a baby that isn’t yours” and “Wow, I can’t believe someone would give up their baby, that’s crazy” and “I bet it cost you tons and tons of money.” It really took a lot of prayer and a lot of patience whenever I would see her walking towards my desk. When she would open her mouth, I would have to take a deep breath and just think, “How do I respond? What do I say?” I always made sure to talk about how wonderful Joshua’s birth mother was for loving him enough to give him two parents that have the means to support and love him, I made sure to explain that even though Joshua isn’t our flesh and blood we love him so much it hurts, and I tried to explain that adoption is wonderful and scary but so very worth it.

Two weeks ago, after I hadn’t talked to her in a while, another friend of mine from work, J, came up to my desk. She asked, “Has H talked to you? She’s really upset and needed someone to talk to about what she’s going through, and I gave her your name.” A day later, H came to my desk in tears. She had just found out that she had a myriad of problems and wouldn’t be able to have any more children. They have a 4 year old girl and just assumed they would be able to have another, but she had some medical conditions, and she couldn’t get pregnant. Ironically, she’s been seeing the same infertility specialist Donald and I saw. She had begun reading books on adoption, wanted to know more about the process, and get referrals to our attorney and our adoption agency. She didn’t know who else to turn to, because she didn’t know anyone else who had been through infertility or adoption, and wanted to talk to someone who had walked that path and been successful in it. Over the past two weeks, we’ve talked off and on, and I’ve told her to talk to me any time she’s feeling sad or upset, or just wants to vent.

Today, she came over to my desk. She was so excited! She said, “Jessie, did you see in the new benefit program, if you adopt, you get TWO WEEKS paid leave and $4000 adoption credit? AND They pay for your attorneys?? No more attorney fees!” I hadn’t had a chance to read through the 09 benefit package, so this was AWESOME – especially since I’d been talking with HR and management about how the adoption benefits at our job could be better. I felt SO GREAT – like somebody LISTENED to me, and changes happened, which will make it easier for others from our company to adopt! (It probably had nothing to do with me, but it still felt awesome!!!) We were like high school kids, giggling at her desk, thinking about how great it would be to not have to shoulder attorney fees and get $4000 in credit! It would make the costs for Donald and I to adopt again so minimal compared to the costs we paid this year!!

Suddenly, she looked at me in the middle of our jubilee, ” I am just so glad to give you good news! You’ve given me such good news and brightened my days these past few weeks. Thank you.”

I was floored. I just smiled and thanked her, but I felt so happy the rest of the day. Later that afternoon, I just suddenly remembered all those probing questions she asked me right when we were in the middle of adopting Joshua. If I hadn’t paused and really thought about how to answer her questions, or if I had been rude, or harsh, or not treated her questions compassionately or kindly, it would have shut the door to us talking now. This is a great lesson for us as adoptive parents. We are ambassadors for the whole process, and we don’t know why people ask the questions they do. I was very humbled, and have learned a great lesson.

 From: http://www.democratsforlife.org/

 SENATE PASSES FOSTERING CONNECTIONS TO SUCCESS AND INCREASING ADOPTIONS ACT OF 2008

The U.S. Senate passed the bipartisan Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (HR 6893) on Monday, September 23. “This is the most significant legislation relating to adoption and foster care since the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997,” said Tom Atwood, President and CEO of NCFA. “It provides for a wide array of reforms to benefit children and their interest in adoption.”

The reforms in HR 6893 include: Reauthorizing the Adoption Incentives Program, whereby the federal government allocates financial rewards to states that have increased the number of children adopted from their foster care system, through 2013; Increasing the award amounts states stand to receive through the Adoption Incentives Program by establishing 2007 as the new “base year” against which future performance will be measured, and increasing the bonuses for special needs and older child adoptions; Ensuring all children with special needs adopted out of foster care are eligible for federal adoption assistance regardless of family income by 2018; Mandating that states inform prospective adoptive parents regarding eligibility for the adoption tax credit; Requiring states to make reasonable efforts to place siblings together; Establishing relative guardianship assistance payments in a way that does not creative incentives for relative guardianship over adoption; and Allowing states the option of extending adoption assistance, foster care maintenance and relative guardianship assistance payments to children aged 18, 19 or 20.

I worked from home yesterday and today…AWESOME! And I am going to work from home about 1-2 a week for the next few weeks!!!

Our house passed inspection, so the move is a go!

Joshua’s adoption finalization is May 28th! That evening, (starting at 4:00 ish)  we’re having an  open house/ adoption finalization party at our NEW house in Gardner. Email me at watermelonjessie at yahoo dot com if you didn’t get an invite, as I’ve been forgetful lately.

My friend Katharine called today and said she and some other church folks could help me pack!

This has been an AWESOME day!!!!!

And, my blog hit 10,000 visitors!! Woo hoo!

Thursday at 1pm I have my individual interiew with our social worker. The Thursday after Thanksgiving hubby and I have our couple interview. EVERYTHING in the homestudy is done except: fingerprints, tax forms from the past 2 years, and letters from our bank and 2 creditors that we’ve dealt with. WOO HOO.

There is a guy at work, D.S, he and his wife adopted 2 3 and 4 year old boys from the Ukraine. I have had such a good time talking with him. He will come up to me and ask “How is the adoption coming? What stage are you at?” People who have adopted just get it. You just want to talk about it with somebody, but it’s nice to talk to someone who really understands what you’re talking about! He told a great story about one of his boys that made me cry. When one of the boys was taking a bath, he would put all his mom’s shoes in the bathroom with him. His logic was is that his mom couldn’t leave the house without coming in the bathroom first to get her shoes! It’s so strange the way kids, and orphans, cope with separation and the logic they use. Even though we’re going through a lot of pain in our infertility struggles, there are orphans out there, like D.S.’s little boys, who were left without family, without much food, and without much hope for the future. Now, they’re with parents that love them.

Just listening to D.S. get all teary talking about his boys really warmed my heart. THAT’S what all this is for, those babies and children that are orphans that need homes, or those babies born to moms that love them but just can’t take care of them right now. It’s also great to have someone at work to just chat with about it. He said to me on Friday “It feels like forever, and it feels like with all the paperwork it’s never going to end, and it’s never going to happen. Just keep going. Once you have your kids, it will be like you’re always had them. You’ll even forget sometimes that they’re adopted, you’ll always think that they’re your biological children.”

I keep thinking about that as we fill out all these papers, go to all these meetings, and lay our life out for the “Really Big Nosy Job Interview,” that it will never end and we’ll never get a child. I know others have been through this and we can make it through as well. I finally feel like it’s getting closer: just a little bit left on the home study and then it’s up to the social worker to complete it.

No, it’s not what you think.

This morning I had my adoption physical. My Dr. and I were laughing today about it because there is a question on there that asks “Do you think this person would be fit to parent?” And she mentioned that almost all adoption physicals ask a question like that somewhere in the form. How in the WORLD do you answer a question like that? My doctor told me that I shouldn’t have any problems as far as the physical goes: she said if there are any problems with me having been diagnosed with depression to let me know and she can do an additional write up on me.

It was funny how she described my depression, though. She just wrote “Depression due to infertility.” Yea, I guess that sums it up. I think that’s been the thing that’s been the toughest to deal with. I also had a yearly female exam (I guess that’s the polite way to say it). I was half naked, with my feet in the stirrups, and she’s asking me all these questions for the physical while I’m laying down in that position. I had to keep myself from giggling.

I also had another TB test that needs to be read bright and early Monday morning. Since all my previous jobs were all in some time of health care field, I think I’ve had at least 15 tb tests. Hopefully, I still don’t have it!

Hubby gets his physical on Tuesday. Then, there is the references everyone should have gotten in the mail by now to fill out. We have to get 2 credit references, fill out our budget and gather up our past 2 years of tax returns. Me and one of my team mates were talking about the irony at work: Anybody can get pregnant if they want, but it’s such a big darn deal to get approved to adopt.

This is what it is. I’m trying to stay focused and give myself pep talks: if it’s meant to be it will happen. I just feel sometimes that all this work will be for nothing: kind of like getting our house on the market and waiting and waiting and nothing is happening. We’ve done most everything we can within our control, but now we have to wait, because there is nothing left for us to do.

Gospelcom.net has a link on its main page to Delve Into Jesus: 7 part series. I haven’t read the whole thing, but it’s pretty encouraging so far.

Thursday I am going to an adoption seminar. Unfortunately, hubby can’t come with me, but I’ll take good notes and post them. Our adoption attorney is the one hosting the seminar, and it’s free!

Heard back from the social worker, she said if we move it’s just some additional paperwork. She is very busy right now and can’t meet with us for a couple weeks, so I’ll have to follow up and see when she’s available. Not a big deal.

Housebuying has stopped. We’re waiting until our house sells, which is pretty frustrating,  but hopefully with the price drop that will help.

Got to hold a couple of cute babies Sunday night at covenant group. Tons of fun!

Through our adoption support group at church, we’ve been introduced to a couple who has domestically adopted through an attorney in Kansas City. She mentioned how the attorney has worked with birth mothers to arrange the adoptions.

Very excited about this meeting…I am glad that we are on the same page about which way we want to go in the adoption process. There are so many decisions to make, I’m glad we’ve at least narrowed it down to domestic.

We’ve been in contact with our local Foster Care adoption worker (through adoptUSKids). Her name is Alex. She’s suggested that maybe if we move in the middle of the process we may need to redo our homestudies or retake some classes.

However, I think right now we’re leaning towards domestic adoption from an attorney or private agency, not necessarily through Foster Care, but that may change. It will be a good meeting on Tuesday!

My husband also met someone from work that knows someone who adopted from Olathe, Kansas. It’s so cool how God is putting all these different people in our lives, I don’t feel so alone!

Saturday at 7am we are walking in a 5k which supports the Zicker family orphan mission Fields of promise (on blogroll).

After that, our church is having their first ever “Adoption Support Group.”

That night, we’re going to a surprise 50th birthday party for a friend. So, it will be a busy day, but I’m hoping to make a large post on Saturday with everything I’ve learned from our church’s adoption meeting.

Registered my husband and I for a 5k Run (I will be walking) that benefits orphans in Ethiopia. After the run, the adoption group is meeting from church. It will be a day of learning about orphans!

I have been walking at 5am most mornings with a friend, last week it was only 1 day due to the rain. This coming week we should be purchasing a used treadmill.

I haven’t weighed myself lately, I really don’t want to see it! I am just praying that God would take away this desire to eat whenever I’m depressed or anxious.

My husband might be playing basketball tonight w/ the men’s group. We have our budget to work on. Yesterday I did a bunch of laundry and paid bills. When did becoming an adult be so boring?

This is getting harder and harder to keep plugging away when month after month there is this roller coster of anticipation, a couple weeks of waiting, and then disappointment. We’ve tried all sorts of crazy “home methods” and “old wives tales,” and we’ll continue to do so. Nothing else to do while we’re waiting to move into a bigger house, as we’ve decided we’re not going to start filling out paperwork until we’ve moved. I have being so happy and hoping and then so disappointed. I just wish I could turn my emotions off or I wish I could be told that we’re infertile, but there is nothing wrong, nothing to fix. It’s just waiting, and when we get tired of waiting and nothing has happened, it’s moving on to the next step.