I know it’s the weekend, and the adoption lawyer wasn’t in, so I went ahead and emailed her! I have been anxious all weekend, thinking about kids and babies….My husband told me that he was dreaming about babies last night as well. He dreamt that someone from work told him that they knew several moms that needed to give up their babies. I think it’s been weighing heavily on our hearts and minds, especially around the holiday season.
I feel so much better doing something rather than just waiting. I blog because I want to talk to other women (and hubbies) who have been there, from all over. I don’t feel so alone, and when I hear about moms and their kiddos it gives me hope to keep going and keep plugging away at this big mountain.
Isn’t it strange, how weeks will go by, and you won’t feel anxious and depressed about infertility, but sometimes it’s like this unbearable weight that all you can think about? This week has felt like a ton of bricks. I hate it.
Someone near my cubicle at work is pregnant, so sometimes I hear all my coworkers asking her questions “when are you due, how are you feeling?” etc. I’m happy for people that are expecting, and I pray everything goes well, but I just can’t be around pregnant people (which has always been hard at my church…since it’s so large, there is always someone or multiple people I know that are pregnant).
Also, whenever groups of women get together, they, naturally, want to talk about children, childbirth, and they compare notes about who had the worst labor, the worst morning sickness, and how busy they are with their children. I just have to walk away from the discussion. I feel like Bridget Jones sometimes, in that scene where she is the only single person in a group of married people, and they look at her as if she is such a weirdo for not being married. I guess we all go through periods in our lives where we feel odd, left out, going through life at a little different pace than everyone else.
A co-worker didn’t realize I was married, and she asked me how long I have been married. I answered “6 years in January.” Then comes the inevitable question “So, are you guys not going to have kids or you don’t want to have kids?” When she asked, it didn’t hurt as much as it normally does when people ask me that question. I just said, happily and proudly, “No, we’re going to adopt!” Then, she said something I thought was so cute. She’s on my team, and all of us speak Spanish in our job. She said “You should adopt a little Mexican baby, there are so many in orphanages, then you can speak Spanish with it!” I didn’t point out the fact that most babies don’t speak…I just was so tickled that she was just happy for me, and then she said “Man, I would love to adopt kids, I need to get going on that, too! There are just so many kids that need good homes!”
So, if you seek any babies that speak Spanish that need good homes, you know who to refer them to!
Last night we met with the couple, D. & K., who domestically adopted through an attorney in Kansas City.
After talking with them, and listening to their stories, we are really feeling as if domestic adoption through an attorney, rather than an agency, is the way we want to pursue adoption.
We will take some time to pray and talk more about it, but it feels good to at least have pinned something down.
I will wait until after the holidays to start some of this….It’s been an emotional roller-coaster. Man!
Saturday the 5k went well, I completed it in 55 minutes. (I took a short cut, and that’s the time I would have had if I stuck with the group that finished at 55 minutes). So, I can only get better, right?
The adoption meeting was tough, I just feel so tired and upset by the whole thing. We’ve decided on domestic adoption, we’re still looking for an adoption agency. I’m going to be calling a few and seeing if we can start the paperwork now before we move, or if it would really make it easier to start it all when we move to Olathe.
Honestly, I am just tired of this cycle of 1) waiting 2) hoping 3) being disappointed. I would rather be working towards something. We know we’re not doing any more fertility treatment, and I am just tired of hoping something magical will happen. Maybe it will, who knows!
So, we have a lot of packets from various agencies…I’m talking to someone from church to see if she knows anyone who has adopted domestically, as a lot of folks in our church have adopted internationally. I am sure a lot of the processes are the same, but it would be good to get recommendations on what to look for in agencies.
Anyone have any suggestions?
I sorta surprised my husband by ordering catalogs from a slew of adoption agencies. (I think I at least have gotten 2 or 3 different ones)
My husband called me and left me a cell phone message saying “You’ve been a busy little bee!” He was a little bit hurt that I didn’t talk to him about it first…but I’ve been tired of waiting! I guess I think about adoption all the time (or I think I’ve told him things that I actually haven’t). I have conversations with him in my head that I haven’t actually had with him, so it creates interesting mixups in our marriage sometimes.
I promised him I wouldn’t fill out the applications without him or bring home any children without his consent.
I know time flies by, but I can’t wait until we can buy a bigger house and really start ACTING on adoption agencies, etc. I know it’s going to be a bit of a wait, so I want to learn as much as I can now, so that when we move we can have our new address to start filling out all the paperwork.
I am probably jumping the gun, but I am starting to tell people when they ask me what’s going on (and old friend emailed me.) That my husband and I are moving next spring and then we’re going to pursue adoption.
It kind of puts butterflies in my stomach, because I think “How will they react?”, “Is this a for sure thing?”
How did you tell people you were adopting? Did you tell people right away at the beginning, or wait until the process was almost complete??
Hubby and I decided that we will be leaving Lawrence and moving to Olathe where we both will work. I have lived in Lawrence since 1999 when I graduated college, so I think it will be a little sad to leave. Especially to leave our church!
Well, we aren’t moving tomorrow or anything, but we will be moving next Spring, which is soon enough.
I can’t wait to move because I know that will really be the BEGINNING of homestudies and looking at adoption agencies….it just seems like it’s taken so darn long to GET to that point!
I am really not looking forward to painting the whole house. I like painting, but not housepainting everything white. Bleh.
order of events
I may not be blogging for a while until something changes, my blog is depressing myself.
1. I get a higher paying job
2. Hubby get a steady job
3. We get ourselves a house (probably move to Olathe, KS)
4. Decide if we want to adopt international, domestic, foster care.
5. Take the appropriate classes.
6. Fill out paperwork
7. Pray a lot
8. pray some more
OR, someone could put a baby on our doorstep. C’mon! Email me, I’ll give you my address.
I haven’t wanted to post because I’ve been in a bummed out mood….my husband and I have been praying together more about simple, everyday things, so that has been a great comfort.
Otherwise, I feel very alone and “silent” about what is going on with us. I am trying not to tell everyone, even though I would like to tell everyone, because I am just afraid I’m doing it to have my own little pitty party. Everyone has struggles, so I let a few people know that I know will pray.
Today, I just mentioned to my mother-in-law about how we still aren’t pregnant. She said she hopes we aren’t feeling pressured by them, and then she went on to talk about some folks who have adopted children from Russia….
…..and then the Lawrence Journal World had an article last week entitled “adoption without borders” that caught my eye. I guess my ear is more turned to stories about people being adopted or folks who are considering adoption. Last week I talked with someone on the phone from work who was adopting a five year old out of Foster Care.
I suppose before all this infertility business started I wasn’t paying much attention to adoption stories. Now. I am really being very nosy and asking people questions about how they have adopted, what the process is, how they feel about being infertile….I think I should write a book.
I did miss Bible study this week because I was so sure I would have good news, but then we were disappointed again. I just can’t face people sometimes, I feel as if I am a failure because of my weight and infertility.
My mother-in-law mentioned when they were going through the infertility process that she would just try to stay busy as much as possible to not think about it. She asked me if the doctors are saying it’s my weight, and I said “It doesn’t help.” When my weight is my one “abnormal” health trait, what else could it be?
My next doctor’s appointment is May 30th with an endocronologist. Also, my husband and I are seriously considering buying a treadmill. We’re going to talk to some other folks about it to see if that’s the sensible thing to do, but I’ve been praying about it, and it seems like that it would help me to work out more if I had something at home. I walked to the store today — wonderful weather!
I am unsure whether to do this or not on my birthday:
The decision to become a foster or adoptive parent is an important one. Kansas Children’s Service League currently offers a one-time orientation session throughout various communities in Kansas. The next orientation session in your area will be:
Thursday, March 2, 2006 at 6:00p
Kansas Children’s Service League
Topeka, Ks
You will require the support of friends and family members throughout this process. For this reason, we encourage you to bring any people upon whom you rely for support. Feel free to bring your children, parents, friends, members of your church family, or neighbors…anyone who will be helpful to you as you make this important decision.
Again, thank you for considering your home for a child needing a family. Please continually tell us how we can help you in this journey.
I think it would be a good idea to get more information, but not sure if I’m emotionally up for this right now.
I have been posting a lot about adoption lately just as I’m beginning to do research. I’m trying to glean whatever I can for the future if it turns out we cannot have children. I’m just the type of person that is against most of the very invasive fertility treatments. I understand some people go that route, but I just don’t see the need of spending that much money when there are kids out there without a family. Especially older kids, I have to remind myself: I have to get used to the idea that we most likely will not be able to adopt a baby because of the cost involved. Babies are easily and quickly adopted. What about the older kids? Shouldn’t we focus our attention on them since they’re more “difficult” to adopt? Especially the kids that aren’t Caucasian?
First order of business: Crown Financial Ministries Bible Study. We are starting this Sunday at 7:00pm. This has been a rough few months with Donald being off work: we weren’t prepared at all. I thank God that He’s very gracious to us even though we mess up all the time. I pray He would be with us in this study. As He guides us in our finances and how to manage them with God’s priorities, I pray He would guide us also in the adoption arena. And the moving into a bigger house arena. And the moving to a different town arena.
Second order of business: keeping with the setting captives free study on eating. I pray that I wouldn’t use food to deal with my problems and I would turn to God and His word instead of binging on food. I pray that I would ‘hunker down’ and pray more! There is a lot going on in our lives that needs prayer. Maybe I should reorganize the list?
« Previous Entries Next Entries »
