I am sleepy. As I’ve blogged about before, it’s hard to do things on the weekend outside of my “duties” Because I only have so many hours to cook, clean, and do laundry.
I am not doing any laundry. I am going to bed.
When we were still in the process of adopting Joshua & he was only about a month old, a co worker of mine, we’ll call her H, was asking me lots of nosy, (almost borderline rude) questions about the adoption process, the birth mother, & the cost. She didn’t ask me as if she really wanted to know, but she would throw judgemental comments and didn’t seem very supportive of the whole idea. She kept saying, “I don’t know how you can love a baby that isn’t yours” and “Wow, I can’t believe someone would give up their baby, that’s crazy” and “I bet it cost you tons and tons of money.” It really took a lot of prayer and a lot of patience whenever I would see her walking towards my desk. When she would open her mouth, I would have to take a deep breath and just think, “How do I respond? What do I say?” I always made sure to talk about how wonderful Joshua’s birth mother was for loving him enough to give him two parents that have the means to support and love him, I made sure to explain that even though Joshua isn’t our flesh and blood we love him so much it hurts, and I tried to explain that adoption is wonderful and scary but so very worth it.
Two weeks ago, after I hadn’t talked to her in a while, another friend of mine from work, J, came up to my desk. She asked, “Has H talked to you? She’s really upset and needed someone to talk to about what she’s going through, and I gave her your name.” A day later, H came to my desk in tears. She had just found out that she had a myriad of problems and wouldn’t be able to have any more children. They have a 4 year old girl and just assumed they would be able to have another, but she had some medical conditions, and she couldn’t get pregnant. Ironically, she’s been seeing the same infertility specialist Donald and I saw. She had begun reading books on adoption, wanted to know more about the process, and get referrals to our attorney and our adoption agency. She didn’t know who else to turn to, because she didn’t know anyone else who had been through infertility or adoption, and wanted to talk to someone who had walked that path and been successful in it. Over the past two weeks, we’ve talked off and on, and I’ve told her to talk to me any time she’s feeling sad or upset, or just wants to vent.
Today, she came over to my desk. She was so excited! She said, “Jessie, did you see in the new benefit program, if you adopt, you get TWO WEEKS paid leave and $4000 adoption credit? AND They pay for your attorneys?? No more attorney fees!” I hadn’t had a chance to read through the 09 benefit package, so this was AWESOME – especially since I’d been talking with HR and management about how the adoption benefits at our job could be better. I felt SO GREAT – like somebody LISTENED to me, and changes happened, which will make it easier for others from our company to adopt! (It probably had nothing to do with me, but it still felt awesome!!!) We were like high school kids, giggling at her desk, thinking about how great it would be to not have to shoulder attorney fees and get $4000 in credit! It would make the costs for Donald and I to adopt again so minimal compared to the costs we paid this year!!
Suddenly, she looked at me in the middle of our jubilee, ” I am just so glad to give you good news! You’ve given me such good news and brightened my days these past few weeks. Thank you.”
I was floored. I just smiled and thanked her, but I felt so happy the rest of the day. Later that afternoon, I just suddenly remembered all those probing questions she asked me right when we were in the middle of adopting Joshua. If I hadn’t paused and really thought about how to answer her questions, or if I had been rude, or harsh, or not treated her questions compassionately or kindly, it would have shut the door to us talking now. This is a great lesson for us as adoptive parents. We are ambassadors for the whole process, and we don’t know why people ask the questions they do. I was very humbled, and have learned a great lesson.
Real quick post before I go to sleep: Luna’s breeder came over and helped me with some discipline with Luna and some behavior modification – basically, tiring her out and walking her and letting her know who is the boss!
Tomorrow she’s coming back to work with her some more. It’s helped – she was tuckered out and would sit and lay down when I asked her to. She wasn’t trying to jump all over me and Joshua. She willingly went to bed – worn out! The breeder Elizabeth’s kids played with Luna for at least 1/2 an hour, chasing her and then her chasing them. Elizabeth explained that herding dogs want to be in control of situations since that’s bred into them, so she actually suggested a choke collar to walk her with and straighten her out when she mis-behaves. She also advised not to let her jump all over people and rough house – supports more bad habits.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings!
Well, we got Joshua’s birth certificates! They aren’t anything fancy, but they’re printed on pretty paper and stamped. They list where and when he was born, and Donald and I as his parents. 
I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for these Birth Certificates; even though we have the Power of Attorney and the Adoption Decree, it is just neat to have this BIRTH CERTIFICATE with OUR NAMES as his parents!!
What our lawyer had to do is send the adoption decree to the Kansas Dept. of Vital Statistics, then once they had that on file we could send in our money and get official copies. We still have to take these certificates and get him a Social Security number & card at a social security office. We want to do that so we can start a savings account for him.
I re-worked our budget as we’ve been over spending, and I gave Joshua $25 a month for toys and $75 a month for clothes. Donald thinks that’s way too much, but I disagree. It’s taking a lot to keep him in clothes because he outgrows them!! We buy a few cute things new, but Drew and Andrea led us to Children’s Orchard, which has been a life saver. They have a lot of cute things that are so much cheaper than new. His outfit he wore for his professional 6 month photos was from Children’s Orchard, and it still had the tags on it, never been worn. We had gotten it for $7.00.
Formula and diapers run $200 a month, and Child Care is $500 a month (which is WAY cheaper than a lot of people pay, cause we have a family hook-up and it’s part time).
To help the budget, I’ve been making my own baby food. Donald’s folks got us some cool freezing trays, so I put the mashed food in the trays, let it freeze, then pop out the little triangles into a freezer bag for storage. I highly recommend the book “So Easy Baby Food” by Joan Ahlers & Cheryl Tallman for guidance.
Making my own baby food is SO CHEAP. I made 5 sweet potatoes and mashed them up and that will probably last months, and it was $4-$5 bucks. I made squash that will probably last months that was only $3-$4 dollars. If we count cereal (which I think is $12 a box) a 3 month supply of this baby food adds up to $21! Baby food pre-made in the store I think is at least .50 to .80 a jar. He would probably eat a jar in 1-2 meals. He’s eating some solids for lunch and supper now. So, I could spend $12 a month on canned baby food (or more if he’s eating more) or $7 a month making it myself. Donald’s folks also got us a food mill, (like a crank for grinding up food) and it looks pretty neat. I think it will come in handy as he gets older and can eat meat and if we go out to eat we can pop something in it and grind it up.
I’m continuing to cook on the weekends and freeze individual meals. It’s worked out well; we aren’t eating out, and I’m not trying to run home and cook supper after a long day at work. It will be nice when Donald gets his new schedule- it will be wonderful for none of us to work on Sundays so we can rest and hopefully have friends over for meals. Right now, the only day we get to hang out with people as a family is Friday night, so we have to pick who we’re going to see.
Oh, we watched the “John Adams” series that was on HBO a while back – rented it through Netflix. Donald and I bawled like babies at the end!! It was a great series, highly recommend it.