2 more sleeps/ playing the game
2 more sleeps and I’ll be heading back to Kansas City!
Just got an email from our social worker tonight. She advised us of another situation: a biracial (caucasian/african american) boy that is going to be born in April. She advised that the birthmother does not have insurance, so the costs of the birth would fall on our shoulders. I am calling our insurance company tomorrow to see if they would cover the costs of the birth mother, but from what H.R. has told us is that those costs are not covered by insurance.
I could rant and rave about how unfair this is, that since I can’t have kids, I am forced to pay out of pocket for someone else’s expenses. I could go on and on about how unfair it is that this mother isn’t even on any type of public aid that could help. I could go on and on being mad, frustrated, and hurt.
However, I keep telling myself and I keeping telling other people, and I have to give myself the following pep talk all the time. It is so easy to be bitter, to be mad, to be angry at other people who can have kids the old fashioned way. This is what I tell myself over and over and over, and verbalize to other people:
I have committed to play this game. I don’t like the rules. I think all the odds are stacked against me. I think this game is completely unfair. I don’t like what I have to go through to play this game. But if I want to win, if I want the outcome of having a child, I have to play by other people’s rules and I have to play the game.
Posted by: DramaQueen | 03-04-2008 | 09:03 PM
Posted in: Adoption Decisions | Potential Child Matches
I needed to hear this today. I like your determination to win this crazy race even if you have to jump through a bunch more hoops.
I imagine it would be hard and expensive but could you put her on an insurance plan for the last couple of months. Might turn out to be cheaper that way. But I don’t know if any insurance would add her already being pregnant.
Good luck.
We actually turned down a potential match last year because we would’ve been expected to pay ALL of potential birth mother’s medical expenses, plus many living expenses along the way. The medical expenses are what scared us the most. We found our insurance would NOT cover the potential birth mother’s medical expenses. We also found out that a non-complicated birth can cost $10,000+ and heaven help us if it were a birth with complications. In addition to the other fees charged for adoption, we didn’t feel comfortable with that situation.
I know you want to become parents soon but believe me, it’s okay to pass on certain situations. If you seriously want to consider this one, be sure to find out what hospital she’ll be giving birth at and do your best to determine what kind of costs you can expect so that you make an informed decision.
Of course, since you posted this on 3/4, this might already be a done deal.
I wish you luck whatever you decide!
We haven’t been picked by the birth mom yet (the birth mom without any health insurance) - so it’s still up in the air. I think that we’re probably going to adopt a baby privately, but then adopt any other children from foster care. Yes, the cost is pretty scary if the birth mother doesn’t have insurance. I did talk to our social worker and if the potential birth mom backs out at the last minute, we wouldn’t have to pay for the expense of the birth, but we would have the doctor’s visits, etc., to pay for. I talked to our health insurance carrier, and we CANNOT put her on our insurance because she is not a dependent. However, it is nice that the minute the baby is born there is health insurance coverage, whether or not the adoption is finalized. We need to change the insurance laws in our country, don’t we?
I am thinking, though, since she doesn’t want anyone to know she’s pregnant, she probably won’t back out, and I assume she’ll want a fairly closed situation. She is living in Missouri but wants to have the baby in Kansas to prevent the family from finding out. I will keep you all updated as I know more!
OMG that little pep talk took my breath away! That is exactly how we feel about our adoption game. Our profile is currently “Being shown” and it is so stressful. I don’t like this game. Thanks for putting it into words, it’s such a relief to not be alone!