Through the Looking Glass
Found out this week we were not chosen by the birth mom in Nebraska.
Sometimes I wonder if I should blog about these things, but I think it makes me feel better; in some way, knowing there are others out there that have gone through the same thing.
I was looking last night at the website of kids awating adoption in foster care. Most are older kids - older than we have been married - which would seem a little strange. Looking at their biographies and looking at their pictures, I kept thinking, “Wow, they’re waiting, too.” I had a weird feeling, and the only way I can describe it is looking through a “Alice in Wonderland” type looking glass. There are these children, sitting and waiting, dreaming about their parents, wondering when their parents are going to come get them. And I am sitting here waiting, feeling down, looking at my computer, wondering and waiting when our child is going to be given to us. We’re all feeling lost and scared, not sure when this is going to be over, not sure when or how the rest of the family is going to show up.
And then, in the middle of all this, I was thinking “wow, There are a lot of kids on this website that need homes.” I mean, this is only the state of Kansas, but I probably scrolled through 50 kids awaiting adoption, and that wasn’t even 1/3 of the number available on the site. Kids who are up for adoption due to difficult circumstances. Kids who have been through a lot. Kids who are waiting, wondering, hoping.
It made me realize that though this is difficult, we must keep plugging and keep going no matter how much it hurts. Though we may not adopt an older child right now, that is a possibility for the future. There are orphans out there waiting for homes, waiting for parents, that aren’t in control of even a little of their circumstances. Even though I get mad and feel like I’m waiting forever, there are lots of great kids waiting even longer in foster care for their parents. That is who I’m doing this for - I feel like my children are waiting on a website somewhere for me to cross through the looking glass, and I am waiting on the other side. We know the other is out there, but we can’t see them yet, we have our faces and our palms pressed against the glass, fogging it up, waiting for a glimpse or a shimmer of hope that someday we’ll be able to see through it.
Posted by: DramaQueen | 02-09-2008 | 07:02 PM
Posted in: Uncategorized
You have written so candidly and beautifully on a very difficult place …. both you and so many children. How very unfair life can be.
I pray your journey will not be in vain and that your wait will come to an end in the perfect time with the perfect child.
jk
Ah J, your writing is so real, so good, so vivid! I am so sorry to hear of this continued “when!?” I miss you but I do know that when the child that God has for you does arrive it will be blessed with the best parents, you and D.
Love,
V
I’m so sorry you were not chosen by the parents in Nebraska. How very disappointing for you.
We’ve had our homestudy submitted for about three different foster-to-adopt situations and have not been chosen either. It makes you wonder sometimes what it is about you (and your family) that makes you get passed over more than once.
But guess what? We got a call from our agency last week about a 10-month old baby that they intend to transition from a foster only home to a foster-to-adopt home because CPS appears to want to push for severance of parental rights. We were thrilled to learn that, our agency highly recommended us to CPS so we’re we have a meeting Wednesday morning in our home to learn more details and to be interviewed. For this case, we apparently are by-passing the submission and review of our homestudy and skipping straight to the interview process. It sounds promising and I’m so excited!
Your match will come, I know it will! It’s only a matter of time.
I do love the reflective nature of your post. There are thousands upon thousands of foster children waiting and dreaming for parents to love them and make them a part of their forever family. I pray for them (and for you) that these dreams will come true soon!
Just keep plugging and keep going! You can do it!