On the Edge of a Cliff and Ready to Fly

I am here in my swanky hotel room. It’s an extended stay room with a kitchenette and a flat screen high definition television. Yes, I am here to work!

I am just so, so blessed by a lot of things. I have worked with this company for only 3 years and I’m now a member of management team. I have had to do well and succeed not only speaking in English but in Spanish to get to where I am today. I am so, so happy. Tomorrow we have a day where we dress up and have our photos taken, and we’re going to meet the vice president of the claims department.

I don’t know how much I’ll update while I’m here, but I know I am going to have a fabulous time and learn a lot. I don’t even think I can express how happy I am, how blessed I feel, and what a privledge it is to be here.

Sunday at noon I leave with 3 other people in my office for Leadership Training.

It should be a good time.  I have enjoyed my first few weeks as a supervisor and am excited to be learning more regarding leadership and developing my team members. I do not like flying, however, so that is one small part of it I will not enjoy.

My hubby is the best. He went out today and bought me some new luggage and a new computer bag for my trip.

I probably won’t blog again until I get back March 7th.

Found out this week we were not chosen by the birth mom in Nebraska.

Sometimes I wonder if I should blog about these things, but I think it makes me feel better; in some way, knowing there are others out there that have gone through the same thing.

I was looking last night at the website of kids awating adoption in foster care. Most are older kids – older than we have been married – which would seem a little strange. Looking at their biographies and looking at their pictures, I kept thinking, “Wow, they’re waiting, too.” I had a weird feeling, and the only way I can describe it is looking through a “Alice in Wonderland” type looking glass. There are these children, sitting and waiting, dreaming about their parents, wondering when their parents are going to come get them. And I am sitting here waiting, feeling down, looking at my computer, wondering and waiting when our child is going to be given to us. We’re all feeling lost and scared, not sure when this is going to be over, not sure when or how the rest of the family is going to show up.

And then, in the middle of all this, I was thinking “wow, There are a lot of kids on this website that need homes.” I mean, this is only the state of Kansas, but I probably scrolled through 50 kids awaiting adoption, and that wasn’t even 1/3 of the number available on the site. Kids who are up for adoption due to difficult circumstances. Kids who have been through a lot. Kids who are waiting, wondering, hoping.

It made me realize that though this is difficult, we must keep plugging and keep going no matter how much it hurts. Though we may not adopt an older child right now, that is a possibility for the future. There are orphans out there waiting for homes, waiting for parents, that aren’t in control of even a little of their circumstances. Even though I get mad and feel like I’m waiting forever, there are lots of great kids waiting even longer in foster care for their parents. That is who I’m doing this for – I feel like my children are waiting on a website somewhere for me to cross through the looking glass, and I am waiting on the other side. We know the other is out there, but we can’t see them yet, we have our faces and our palms pressed against the glass, fogging it up, waiting for a glimpse or a shimmer of hope that someday we’ll be able to see through it.

Talked to our social worker on Thursday. We were not picked by the two birth families (one baby was born on 12.26.07 and one was due 02.04.08) However, our social worker told us that she will let a birthmom in Nebraska know about us. We’ll see!

On the home front, everything is done. We didn’t have our realtor do photos on Friday, but he should take them sometime this week and get it back up on the market. We just have some cleaning to do and a little rearranging but that is it.

Found another attorney to help us with our mom’s estate stuff, so that was a good feeling to finally get some help on that. Hopefully, that will be resolved within the next couple of weeks. Today is just a laid back day, working on laundry and the cross stitch for my nephew. He hasn’t been born yet but should be anytime!

It will be fun being an aunt I think. Hubby was in Target a couple weeks ago and he was trying to convince me to buy our  nephew  a Star Wars Lego Set that is meant for an 8-10 year old. I advised Hubby that his nephew will not be able to play with a Star Wars lego set right out of the womb. Hubby said “well, I will give a lot of supervision!” Well, I’m sure.