The Crib

I have wanted to write this post but it’s been hard to write about. I think I’m finally ready to write about it.

About 3 years ago a friend of mine sold me a very nice wooden crib for about $75. At athat time, I had been talking to my friend about how we were trying to get pregnant. She said “well, my other friend sold me this crib and I thought of you guys, because I imagine you’ll be needing it soon.” So, I bought the crib.

It’s been sitting in our downstairs storage room ever since. It’s been sad to look at it; it’s just always reminded me of how long we’ve been trying without success to have a child.

 A couple weeks ago, I got an email from a friend at church. She periodically sends out emails asking for items for those in need. This email she needed a crib for a single mom that didn’t have enough money to buy one. Now, I will admit, at first I felt really, really angry. I had a talk with the Lord. I was thinking “Okay, my husband and I have steady jobs and we aren’t on drugs and we’ve been trying to get pregnant for years and this young gal just has a baby and can’t even afford to keep it and now she has the guts to ask people to provide for her baby?” Oh, I was so mad at the world.

 I began thinking about it….there is a crib in my basement that some baby needs. I’d been holding onto it for 3 years, always thinking “Next month is the month we’ll need it.” I’ve put off buying a mattress for it because I didn’t want to take that step until we were actually pregnant. So, I thought “I’ll just email this friend, tell her I have a crib with no mattress….and she probably won’t want it anyway since there is no mattress. That way, I’ll feel good about offering it, but I won’t need to give it to her.”

Well, I emailed her and she replied back within the hour. She said “I just talked to her. This young mom would love the crib. She actually has a new mattress, but she’s just had a hard time finding just a solid wooden crib. What you have sounds perfect” I was stunned.

I remember sitting in front of the computer after reading the email and thinking. This was the crib I had bought, anticipating using it, and it had sat there unused for 3 years. There was a mom and a baby out there that could use it. I prayed and cried, I cried and prayed some more. I typed an email back stating I would be happy to let the mother have the crib.

 Luckily, this friend wasn’t around on the day I dropped it off on her porch. I was a mess, bawling, unpacking a piece, bawling some more. If any of her neighbors saw me they must have thought I was completely insane. It just felt so symbolic and bizarre. Here I was, waiting on a child, a crib ready in my house, while some young woman was able to get pregnant and she didn’t have enough money to afford a crib. I was angry with myself for being jealous and angry, I was angry at God, I felt sorry for this young lady and her baby, and I felt sorry for me.

 So, I gave up my crib to a mom that needed it. It was really, really hard and that person probably has no idea how hard it was to do. I think God is using this as a lesson for me in the struggle of infertility. I’m glad I did it, but man, I hate how struggling with this makes me realize just how much of a monster I can be. I am a sinner, Lord have mercy on me.

Posted by: DramaQueen | 03-27-2007 | 09:03 PM
Posted in: Waiting | God's Lessons